Happy Monday. Or something like it.
My day started out wonderfully (check the sarcasm-o-meter here). I seem to be losing my voice to a mild case of laryngitis. Luckily, my co-workers are wonderful and have allowed me to do the paperwork portion of the job so that I can stay off the phones for the day. I still do not know what I have 'picked up', but it does not appear to be a cold. I slept all day yesterday except for when I quite literally rolled out of bed and met up with my parents at a small diner near my apartment. I strolled into the place still wearing exactly what I had been wearing/sleeping in all day (my fave Milw. Brewers sweats and my fave old navy fleece finished off with flip flops). I just did not feel well at all. Thankfully, my parents were more happy to see me than what my attire was.
To start my morning off I went to see a neurologist. Something I have put off for a good... oh... 4 years now?? I have had a slight tremor in my right wrist/hand for 5 years or maybe even more? But over the past few years it seems to be getting progressively worse. Now that there is also numbness taking over my left arm and hand and I have started working for a catering company, I figured it was time to stop procrastinating and get my numbed up self to the doc and figure out what is going on. I needed to rule out the 'importants' (i.e. Parkinson's Disease, Carpel tunnel, etc). Turns out those major concerns are no longer concerns. I have been cleared in regards to those issues, but there are still a lot of things that could be causing my tremors and numbness. Another 5 vials of blood were drawn (ugh... I almost passed out. No more blood draws puh-lease!) and an appt set up to have an MRI done on my brain, neck and spinal column. Can a girl get a break... EVER?
To top that off they took my weight today, which I was NOT mentally prepared for. I do not know why my body is changing so much, but I hate it. I hate how for years and years and years I fit into my clothes just fine and now my ass, thighs and waist seem to think they are too small and needed to step it up a notch. I am seriously concerned about having to buy an entire new summer wardrobe. Fun? No. Because it is one thing to buy a new wardrobe due to weight LOSS, but to buy a new wardrobe due to unexplained weight GAIN is something else. I do not have the financials for it to boot. I refuse to even try on my shorts that have been my staple for the last 7 summers of my life. I am downright terrified of the results. I feel like I should pick up drinking and bad eating habits again if I am only going to gain weight anyways! BLEH!!! I weigh almost (3 pounds away from) as much as I did my sophomore year in college... the most I ever weighed. It was then that I freaked out and made some major changes in my life and brought myself down to a satisfying weight where I had stayed for the past 11 years. So why not just do that again? Because I already am!! I do not know what else to change now! What?!... I hit 30 and my body feels the need to show it's age???! Ridiculous. I am not happy right now. Thanks doc.
Oh, self esteem, wherefore hast thou gone?
Aside from that I have another busy week ahead of me. I am tired. Really tired. Hope I can make it through another long week with my odd 'virus'. I thought I had asked off of catering for Saturday evening because that day is jam packed, but they have me scheduled. Dammit. Trying to see if I can, nicely, get out of it. But that's a long shot.
So I would like to end this daily blog with one of my favorite quotes that so perfectly fits my morning (except I do not go with this rule anymore. Summer is coming... I need to find a way to step it up and fit into those damn shorts....):
"Inside of me lives a skinny girl screaming to get out... but I can usually shut the bitch up with cookies".
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