Happy Torture Day

Happy Mother's Day to my wonderful mom who has done so much for me.  I love you so much and feel so blessed to still have you in my life.

But besides that, I hate Mother's Day.  I hate it for many reasons.  It's like Valentine's Day.  It is a touchy day for those who have lost their mothers, those that are not close to their mothers, and those like me that wish they were a mother.

I have wanted to be a mother since I was 24.  Here I am... going on 31 and motherhood nowhere in sight.  I am so happy for those of my fantastic friends and family that have children, of whom I get to enjoy!  But it is hard to want something so much and everyone else has it and is constantly being announced and thrown in my face.  But that is just my own personal issue that I need to deal with.  But it is hard.  I want nothing more than to have children to love, to take care of, to teach new things to and to watch grow and learn.  I know it is hard and I know all you mothers out there are thinking how it's not that glorious.  But one day your children will be grown and you will be sooo happy to have gone through all the hardships for them.  Whereas, I may never have that.  And if that is the case then that is the case.  That is God's plan for me.  I just wish it could be easier and I simply did not want kids.  I know I am young, I know there is still time for it to happen, but I also know that a woman only has so many chances at providing life and the older I get the more risks involved-more so for me than the child I would be carrying!

So overall, I hate Mother's Day.  It is just too damn emotional for so many people.  But regardless, we need to acknowledge all the mothers out there that have dedicated themselves to their children and have given up so much for them.  Your work day never ends and that is something to be recognized and commended for!!  I am blessed to have my mother and be close to her and I do not let that fact slip by.  To be a mother myself would be amazing, but only time will tell if that will ever be.

As for other updates:

I seemed to be dealing with some sort of weird virus?  Or allergies?  I wake up every morning with a severe sore throat and then have to cough it out to clear my throat which can take up to a good hour or two in the morning.  Real attractive.  It is times like this that I am happy I am single because the frog stuck in my throat would be a major turn off to the man in my bed I am sure!  My ears are itchy and my nose is kind of stuffy and sometimes runny and I sneeze a lot. It's hell whatever it is.

I am tired all the time.  Obviously, working 55 hours a week plus trying to keep up with my social life and regular activities could be part of the problem too.

I went to buy some staples to try a gluten, wheat free diet for atleast a week to see if I don't feel better.  Ten items and $60 later (ugh), I have some food to try out.  Thus far, the wheat and gluten free waffles and pretzels were yummy as were the breakfast fruit bars.  The bread is another issue.  Apparently once you take certain ingredients out of bread it just becomes thick and dense.  That may take some getting used to.

The past two days I worked for my catering group.  One night was a dance off for charities.  An instructor from certain dance studios in the area taught a member of a charity organization how to dance and the winner would receive the pot of money for their charity.  I did not stay until the end so I am curious as to who won.  

Last night was working at the Milwaukee County Zoo for a prom.  Wow.  My prom was not that cool.  Almost every kid was on the dance floor!  The floor was packed!  It was fun to view the dresses.  Some were downright awful, some were quite revealing, and some were awesome and unique.  The only thing that sucked about last night was feeling so old seeing as I have been out of high school for 12 years!!  And the other was wishing I had been cool in high school.  Some of these girls were beautiful and had great bodies!  I know, everyone says 'Yeah, great body for a 17 year old' but ... ummm... I did not look ANYTHING like that when I was 17.  Not. Even. Close.  My chunky butt with a bad dye job would have never been able to wear those kinds of dresses!  Damn.  If only my mom had taught me how to pluck my eyebrows, curl my hair, and run a mile.  Oh well.  I will just chalk it all up to being that 'not so great girl in high school' to 'one hot ass woman' now ;)  Better late than never.  See if any of those girls look like they are 24 when they are 30!!  Booooo yah! 

As for everything else.  I am doing well, working too much for little pay, but happy to be blessed with two good jobs.

And then there is New York... can't wait... "Helllooo Lover" -Carrie Bradshaw.