My workouts have been getting better. And I can only hope to be like the svelte lady above, but now every time I am outside running and dying for breathe I can't help but keel over in laughter thinking of this image.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Oh but it's probably just so true!!
My workouts have been getting better. And I can only hope to be like the svelte lady above, but now every time I am outside running and dying for breathe I can't help but keel over in laughter thinking of this image.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
By Trial and Error
It is by Trial and Error we are said to succeed. I fully agree.
I have a lot of that. Error. Ok, yes, trial too. But it seems to be followed a lot by error. Or maybe I just think it is error because I see that other people think that it is error. I am beginning to think it is not so much error as it is experience. Perhaps... maybe... just maybe... what I want... is experience. Maybe I don't want what is written in the book of the "American Dream". Maybe I want what is written in the book of "Living Life to Its Fullest". And if you ask me (which you didn't), but getting married young and staying married for years and years and having children, living in 2-3 perfectly designed houses throughout your life while owning 4-5 Labrador retrievers and going to Grandma and Grandpa's every Christmas Day and taking yearly trips to Florida every Spring Break isn't exactly "Living Life to It's Fullest".
It only took me 3 years and 3 months to figure this out. But I finally did. How/when/why did I just figure this out? Well for one I am in the process of ending ANOTHER relationship with ANOTHER good guy. That's right. Seems I have commitment issues. Is it him? Is it me? Who knows. Who cares? The point is that I am not happy like I feel I should be and I can't make him happy (although he says he is) if I am not happy. And I am not the girl that wants to drag him through the dirt simply because there are days that I want a boyfriend. Of course the thought crosses my mind of whether or not I am making some huge mistake and leaving a good guy in the dust, but the only answer that I can get from the unknown future is: I will never know. I have done it before and it has been 'o.k.'. Sure, I have missed those guys and had my day dreams about the 'what if I would have stayed', but the reality is: I didn't and that's that.
Thoughts that cross my mind that help in my decision process on do I stay or do I go: 1. My sister is 42 and is having a baby. She is doing extremely well. The baby is perfectly healthy and is so stable that the necessary ultrasound that is required almost every month for an older pregnant woman has been deemed unnecessary for my sister (woohoo!). So now I am thinking... I have been given a gift. Yes, that's right... a GIFT not a CURSE of being single. My sister is healthy and happy and having a baby at 42. I am ONLY 31. Why am I rushing? Why am I so desperate to find someone and MAKE them fit into my mold that they just are NOT fitting into? I have standards. If they don't fit.... they don't fit. I still have time to hope there is someone out there that will. Which means time to enjoy my freedom!!
2. My GIFT of EXPERIENCE. I can do what I want. Talk with who I want. Flirt with I want. Answer to no one. Hog the bed. Come home to my beautifully, perfectly cleaned place just as I left it. Have my cats that no one can be "allergic" to. I love it. Why give this up. How many people get to enjoy this? How many rushed their lives and now wish they hadn't? Do I want to be one of them? No. I don't. Because deep down I knew it. I wanted that divorce 3.3 years ago for a reason. And I didn't know what it was. But now I do. Now I am ready to face the reality that I wanted to live a life that others wanted too, but did not have the guts to go out and get. How many people know what it is like to go to the movies alone? To eat at a restaurant alone? To go to the mall alone? Or sit at the coffee shop reading and drinking coffee alone? Or what about actually taking a vacation alone?! Sounds horrible? Maybe because you have never done it, but it is actually quite liberating and peaceful. No, all the time isn't ideal I admit, but do you know the self confidence it brings? The strength of knowing that you can truly do/handle anything alone? It's fabulous. Because then when someone comes into your life or someone offers you help it is... overwhelming. The appreciation you feel and the joy you get there are just no words for it really. It is astounding. Do I want this FOREVER? No I sure as heck don't. But a little more time could not hurt because I feel I still have things to work out. Things that I need to do.... alone. Almost as if I just haven't found the right person yet. Maybe that's all this is. Maybe I have found some great people that are helping me along my journey, but sadly... they are not the 'right one'... or at least... not yet.
3. Meet people. Do you know how many people I have had the chance to meet in 3 years time? Some amazing! And some bad, yes, but at the same time I never truly enjoyed the crazy stories I get to tell my children? grandchildren? or maybe just my nieces/nephews someday. Just listen to a woman here at work during lunch one day and her dating, younger life... it was great. It was hilarious! It wasn't too far from mine! And here she is years and years later. She is married, happy, but with this fun experience under her belth that she could laugh about and share with others. Priceless. Now I have that too. When you are in a relationship you give up your social life. Well, when you are in a healthy, stable one anyways for the most part. Of course there are exceptions we need not go into it, but for the most part it appears jealous and anger rule too many relationships and therefore, meeting new people on a one on one basis (especially if the opposite sex) is just not much of a possibility. But it can be so enthralling! And that is just some of the stuff. I could go on and on. I think many people will wonder why I am choosing to forgo another 'good' relationship. And the answer is: because I am not ready yet and because I don't want 'good'. I want AMAZING. And if I don't find it (which I believe I will) then God has a better plan for me. And thankfully I have a huge family otherwise ;)
When a friend who always wanted a large family only settles on ONE child because it turns out to be too much, or my sister whom thought she was done raising her children is blessed with one more 11 years after her last, or when another friend who thought her life would be spent as a working mother decides one random day that she wants to stay home with her children every day and the next week quits her job... well it just goes to show that no matter what you wanted or how you planned it, it does not matter because God has other ideas for you. So it is best to go with what makes you happy for today and wait and see what comes tomorrow. Yes... a lesson it took me a long... long long long time to learn. And one that I am guilty of forgetting from time to time.
Oh and by the way! I got a new job (can't remember if I officially mentioned that in the last blog because its been awhile.... shame shame I know!). I have been very busy. I am in a much more important position and working on a few different committees. Still in the medical field which I love. Other than that. Working hard, working out, was dating... that's a little rocky as you can see from above. Nothing major coming up except a wedding on New Year's Eve where I will see the old ball and chain ex husb and his family (of whom I have been seeing quite a bit and it has surprisingly been wonderful!). So you will get the 411 on that after it goes down.
Hope you are all well yourselves!
Happy Holidays everyone. I will be in touch ;)
I have a lot of that. Error. Ok, yes, trial too. But it seems to be followed a lot by error. Or maybe I just think it is error because I see that other people think that it is error. I am beginning to think it is not so much error as it is experience. Perhaps... maybe... just maybe... what I want... is experience. Maybe I don't want what is written in the book of the "American Dream". Maybe I want what is written in the book of "Living Life to Its Fullest". And if you ask me (which you didn't), but getting married young and staying married for years and years and having children, living in 2-3 perfectly designed houses throughout your life while owning 4-5 Labrador retrievers and going to Grandma and Grandpa's every Christmas Day and taking yearly trips to Florida every Spring Break isn't exactly "Living Life to It's Fullest".
It only took me 3 years and 3 months to figure this out. But I finally did. How/when/why did I just figure this out? Well for one I am in the process of ending ANOTHER relationship with ANOTHER good guy. That's right. Seems I have commitment issues. Is it him? Is it me? Who knows. Who cares? The point is that I am not happy like I feel I should be and I can't make him happy (although he says he is) if I am not happy. And I am not the girl that wants to drag him through the dirt simply because there are days that I want a boyfriend. Of course the thought crosses my mind of whether or not I am making some huge mistake and leaving a good guy in the dust, but the only answer that I can get from the unknown future is: I will never know. I have done it before and it has been 'o.k.'. Sure, I have missed those guys and had my day dreams about the 'what if I would have stayed', but the reality is: I didn't and that's that.
Thoughts that cross my mind that help in my decision process on do I stay or do I go: 1. My sister is 42 and is having a baby. She is doing extremely well. The baby is perfectly healthy and is so stable that the necessary ultrasound that is required almost every month for an older pregnant woman has been deemed unnecessary for my sister (woohoo!). So now I am thinking... I have been given a gift. Yes, that's right... a GIFT not a CURSE of being single. My sister is healthy and happy and having a baby at 42. I am ONLY 31. Why am I rushing? Why am I so desperate to find someone and MAKE them fit into my mold that they just are NOT fitting into? I have standards. If they don't fit.... they don't fit. I still have time to hope there is someone out there that will. Which means time to enjoy my freedom!!
2. My GIFT of EXPERIENCE. I can do what I want. Talk with who I want. Flirt with I want. Answer to no one. Hog the bed. Come home to my beautifully, perfectly cleaned place just as I left it. Have my cats that no one can be "allergic" to. I love it. Why give this up. How many people get to enjoy this? How many rushed their lives and now wish they hadn't? Do I want to be one of them? No. I don't. Because deep down I knew it. I wanted that divorce 3.3 years ago for a reason. And I didn't know what it was. But now I do. Now I am ready to face the reality that I wanted to live a life that others wanted too, but did not have the guts to go out and get. How many people know what it is like to go to the movies alone? To eat at a restaurant alone? To go to the mall alone? Or sit at the coffee shop reading and drinking coffee alone? Or what about actually taking a vacation alone?! Sounds horrible? Maybe because you have never done it, but it is actually quite liberating and peaceful. No, all the time isn't ideal I admit, but do you know the self confidence it brings? The strength of knowing that you can truly do/handle anything alone? It's fabulous. Because then when someone comes into your life or someone offers you help it is... overwhelming. The appreciation you feel and the joy you get there are just no words for it really. It is astounding. Do I want this FOREVER? No I sure as heck don't. But a little more time could not hurt because I feel I still have things to work out. Things that I need to do.... alone. Almost as if I just haven't found the right person yet. Maybe that's all this is. Maybe I have found some great people that are helping me along my journey, but sadly... they are not the 'right one'... or at least... not yet.
3. Meet people. Do you know how many people I have had the chance to meet in 3 years time? Some amazing! And some bad, yes, but at the same time I never truly enjoyed the crazy stories I get to tell my children? grandchildren? or maybe just my nieces/nephews someday. Just listen to a woman here at work during lunch one day and her dating, younger life... it was great. It was hilarious! It wasn't too far from mine! And here she is years and years later. She is married, happy, but with this fun experience under her belth that she could laugh about and share with others. Priceless. Now I have that too. When you are in a relationship you give up your social life. Well, when you are in a healthy, stable one anyways for the most part. Of course there are exceptions we need not go into it, but for the most part it appears jealous and anger rule too many relationships and therefore, meeting new people on a one on one basis (especially if the opposite sex) is just not much of a possibility. But it can be so enthralling! And that is just some of the stuff. I could go on and on. I think many people will wonder why I am choosing to forgo another 'good' relationship. And the answer is: because I am not ready yet and because I don't want 'good'. I want AMAZING. And if I don't find it (which I believe I will) then God has a better plan for me. And thankfully I have a huge family otherwise ;)
When a friend who always wanted a large family only settles on ONE child because it turns out to be too much, or my sister whom thought she was done raising her children is blessed with one more 11 years after her last, or when another friend who thought her life would be spent as a working mother decides one random day that she wants to stay home with her children every day and the next week quits her job... well it just goes to show that no matter what you wanted or how you planned it, it does not matter because God has other ideas for you. So it is best to go with what makes you happy for today and wait and see what comes tomorrow. Yes... a lesson it took me a long... long long long time to learn. And one that I am guilty of forgetting from time to time.
Oh and by the way! I got a new job (can't remember if I officially mentioned that in the last blog because its been awhile.... shame shame I know!). I have been very busy. I am in a much more important position and working on a few different committees. Still in the medical field which I love. Other than that. Working hard, working out, was dating... that's a little rocky as you can see from above. Nothing major coming up except a wedding on New Year's Eve where I will see the old ball and chain ex husb and his family (of whom I have been seeing quite a bit and it has surprisingly been wonderful!). So you will get the 411 on that after it goes down.
Hope you are all well yourselves!
Happy Holidays everyone. I will be in touch ;)
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Time for some News
Lots of news. It's been quite a week.
I've been reprimanded by my 'new' manager about every little thing I have done wrong. Seems little spies are all around me just waiting to call me out on every tiny thing I do wrong. Funny thing is. They do it too, but... they all have each other's back. I am just the odd girl out. It's always been that way. But I always had my 'old' manager on my side. But my 'new' manager has always hated me and has probably been waiting for this day. During our little meeting she did not tell me one good thing I had/have done. Nothing. Nada. Apparently... she just thinks I suck. Well, good. Because that makes what I am about to do today THAT much easier.
Yesterday, I got that call that I have been waiting for. That call that I have been longing for and pushing for and putting five months effort into. It took a lot of resumes. It took a lot of interviews. It took a lot of disappointments and tears, but as much as I wanted to and almost did... I didn't. I did not give up. And yesterday I got the call followed by the letter stating that I was being asked to be the new Administrative Assististant to the CHAIR of Obstetrics & Gynecology at one of the most reputable Medical Facilities around. That's right. ME!!! I can get out of this hellhole where my knowledge and abilities are going to waste and do something with myself! And I can shove it in the old bags face! You think I am worth nothing?! You think I don't do shit around here?! Fine. PEACE OUT!
I am scared to death, however. This is a big deal. This position will not be easy. It will be demanding. It will be hard work, but isn't this what I wanted? YES! Do you know what I could learn from this woman? Do you know what kind of challenge and opportunity has been put before me?! Sure, it will be hard, but I need this. I need a change. And as scared as I am, I could not be more excited to make the change at such a wonderful, reputable place and with such an amazing team. You can almost feel the energy and commaderie the minute you walk in! I love it. I am ready. And I am doing this beginning November 14. That's right. Only one week's notice ;)
What else. Well, my new man, who I will now call C. That's right everyone. He's that great. He doesn't get some little nickname. He gets... AN INITIAL. He spoiled me. He knows how I feel about birthdays. How mine usually lead to some disaster and end up with me in tears. So he decided to give me my gift early at some random time on some random day. And let me tell you. This boy... he set the bar high for himself. And I told him he's in trouble because now I will always just expect the best! ;) Just kidding. We all know I am not like that! (right?! teehee!) So what did he get me you all want to know?! A nintendo Wii!!! I am totally fricken spoiled! I told him to 'Take it back!!' and he absolutely refused. Punk. Who buys that for a girl he has just started dating?! His response: 'a guy who is smitten for a girl whom he really really cares for'. Yeah... uh huh. You mean a crazy guy. But whatever. Here we have it and I guess it is here to stay and I am pretty freaking excited and very lucky to have C in my life regardless of such an extravagent and FUN gift!!
Speaking more of C. He'll be around for awhile. We are taking the big step. This weekend is my birthday weekend and even though I will be gone for it to be rocking it with my girls for a bachlorette party in WI Dells, I will be spending some time with friends and family the night before for a simple, but fun, Italian-then-beer/bowling/darts/get a little crazy evening around home. And C... C will be ... MEETING THE FAM! The second guy since First Love to meet them! Wow. Big stuff here folks. I think everyone is super excited to meet this guy who has calmed this girl down, made her smile, and hasn't caused one bit of drama in her life. I am sure they will shake his hand and thank him for being AWESOME. I thank him every day. I don't miss the drama all the other guys used to bring. C is a perfect mix. He keeps me on my toes in a good way. He knows when to be super sweet, when to be more challenging, when to back off, and when to push. And I think he came around and the perfect time too. But enough with all the mushy crap huh? ;)
I got a parking ticket for being in a metered parking spot for 4 freaking minutes. Lame. I thought I lost my phone after working my second job last night (FREAK OUT). But it was found in my co-workers car whom dropped me off at mine after work last night (but that was one fretful/sleepless night let me tell you! Damn phone runs my life and has it all stored on it too!!). That's what I get after working a 14 hour day and guzzling down horse-pills... I mean very large sized amoxicillin for my earache I have. I get a little (more) airheaded and dazed.
I have a fulllll rest of the week and weekend planned, but have off Monday for my b-day. Then I work three days. Last day at my current job is Thursday then off Friday to spend some quality time with mi ma-ma and then another busy weekend (my sister's baby shower!) and then... NEW JOB!!!!!!!!! :)
Have a great weekend, ya'll!
I've been reprimanded by my 'new' manager about every little thing I have done wrong. Seems little spies are all around me just waiting to call me out on every tiny thing I do wrong. Funny thing is. They do it too, but... they all have each other's back. I am just the odd girl out. It's always been that way. But I always had my 'old' manager on my side. But my 'new' manager has always hated me and has probably been waiting for this day. During our little meeting she did not tell me one good thing I had/have done. Nothing. Nada. Apparently... she just thinks I suck. Well, good. Because that makes what I am about to do today THAT much easier.
Yesterday, I got that call that I have been waiting for. That call that I have been longing for and pushing for and putting five months effort into. It took a lot of resumes. It took a lot of interviews. It took a lot of disappointments and tears, but as much as I wanted to and almost did... I didn't. I did not give up. And yesterday I got the call followed by the letter stating that I was being asked to be the new Administrative Assististant to the CHAIR of Obstetrics & Gynecology at one of the most reputable Medical Facilities around. That's right. ME!!! I can get out of this hellhole where my knowledge and abilities are going to waste and do something with myself! And I can shove it in the old bags face! You think I am worth nothing?! You think I don't do shit around here?! Fine. PEACE OUT!
I am scared to death, however. This is a big deal. This position will not be easy. It will be demanding. It will be hard work, but isn't this what I wanted? YES! Do you know what I could learn from this woman? Do you know what kind of challenge and opportunity has been put before me?! Sure, it will be hard, but I need this. I need a change. And as scared as I am, I could not be more excited to make the change at such a wonderful, reputable place and with such an amazing team. You can almost feel the energy and commaderie the minute you walk in! I love it. I am ready. And I am doing this beginning November 14. That's right. Only one week's notice ;)
What else. Well, my new man, who I will now call C. That's right everyone. He's that great. He doesn't get some little nickname. He gets... AN INITIAL. He spoiled me. He knows how I feel about birthdays. How mine usually lead to some disaster and end up with me in tears. So he decided to give me my gift early at some random time on some random day. And let me tell you. This boy... he set the bar high for himself. And I told him he's in trouble because now I will always just expect the best! ;) Just kidding. We all know I am not like that! (right?! teehee!) So what did he get me you all want to know?! A nintendo Wii!!! I am totally fricken spoiled! I told him to 'Take it back!!' and he absolutely refused. Punk. Who buys that for a girl he has just started dating?! His response: 'a guy who is smitten for a girl whom he really really cares for'. Yeah... uh huh. You mean a crazy guy. But whatever. Here we have it and I guess it is here to stay and I am pretty freaking excited and very lucky to have C in my life regardless of such an extravagent and FUN gift!!
Speaking more of C. He'll be around for awhile. We are taking the big step. This weekend is my birthday weekend and even though I will be gone for it to be rocking it with my girls for a bachlorette party in WI Dells, I will be spending some time with friends and family the night before for a simple, but fun, Italian-then-beer/bowling/darts/get a little crazy evening around home. And C... C will be ... MEETING THE FAM! The second guy since First Love to meet them! Wow. Big stuff here folks. I think everyone is super excited to meet this guy who has calmed this girl down, made her smile, and hasn't caused one bit of drama in her life. I am sure they will shake his hand and thank him for being AWESOME. I thank him every day. I don't miss the drama all the other guys used to bring. C is a perfect mix. He keeps me on my toes in a good way. He knows when to be super sweet, when to be more challenging, when to back off, and when to push. And I think he came around and the perfect time too. But enough with all the mushy crap huh? ;)
I got a parking ticket for being in a metered parking spot for 4 freaking minutes. Lame. I thought I lost my phone after working my second job last night (FREAK OUT). But it was found in my co-workers car whom dropped me off at mine after work last night (but that was one fretful/sleepless night let me tell you! Damn phone runs my life and has it all stored on it too!!). That's what I get after working a 14 hour day and guzzling down horse-pills... I mean very large sized amoxicillin for my earache I have. I get a little (more) airheaded and dazed.
I have a fulllll rest of the week and weekend planned, but have off Monday for my b-day. Then I work three days. Last day at my current job is Thursday then off Friday to spend some quality time with mi ma-ma and then another busy weekend (my sister's baby shower!) and then... NEW JOB!!!!!!!!! :)
Have a great weekend, ya'll!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Getting Better!
Wow. Yeah. So it's really almost been a month, huh? So I have been busy. Turns out I actually have a life after all. And one that can be amicably happy too! Ok. Happy may be a little extended, but satisfying would certainly be an acceptable descriptive word at this point.
Yes, I am quite content. Things have changed quite a bit in just a months time. I went from one going well dating experience to another. That's how life works isn't it? You wait and wait and WAIT for something at least DECENT to come around and then you get something good. And just when that good seems to be getting better... then something REALLY good jumps right in front of you and you have this horrible decision to make. However, it's not... HORRIBLE... in all sense of the word is it? Well, horrible for the ones who are up against the challenge, but not for me... who would technically comes out the victor in the end right? I actually had to PICK between two good men. Can you believe it? I sure as hell couldn't. It was horrible. It really was. How do I do this? I haven't had do this since... well... EVER really! I mean I have come close, but this was just really difficult with all I have going on. And after waiting so long for someone decent and now having two decent, but yet so different, men to basically decide which to continue with. It was quite an upheaval.
So I did make my decision. I cried like I was breaking up with my boyfriend of 3 years and we hadn't even been 'committed'. But I guess that's just my sensitive, I don't want to hurt anyone, especially anyone who has been very good and nice to me, side. But it had to be done. I am not the type to drag anyone through the mud or be sneaky sneaky for my pleasure. In fact I am the opposite. I don't have time for such shenanigans. Nor do I want the medical bills from the ulcers it would likely produce.
So here I am with my 'choice'. And it's great. And I am happy! I haven't felt the need to run. I haven't felt the need to hide it from anyone. There has been no drama. There has been no discomfort. There has been no questioning about motives or hidden agendas. It has been... well.. NORMAL. This is weird. Part of me feels I should be scared at just how NORMAL this is, but part of me is like 'YES!!! RELIEF!!!" I can relax. I can smile. I can sleep at night and wake up rested because I have someone in my life who gives me space. But yet still misses me. Someone who sends me flowers... FLOWERS!! Do you know how long it has BEEN?! He doesn't over do things. But yet he lets me know he is around. It's like.. chivalry. Modern times. It's fabulous. It's too good to be true. It's if-this-was-my-girlfriend-I-would-call-her-nuts-and-tell-her-it-won't-last-because-I-am-so-freaking-jealous! But this time. It's me. And I won't question it. He's into me. I am into him. And right now. It's going at the perfect speed. And I will enjoy it!
Other than all that! I am still looking for a new job. I have been doing interview after interview after interview. I am exhausted. About 95% of the interviews are at the same place! Just different departments. Yes the place is THAT big. Some I am over-qualified for. Some they decide not to hire at this time. Some they decide to just hire with-in. Some they just decide to go with someone else. But the fact that they keep calling me tells me that this place must think I will fit in somewhere. I won't give up. My current job is no longer satisfying. I cannot stay. I have been searching for a new job since the middle of June. It's a tough market, but I have a lot to offer. I won't give up!
My neck is still giving me troubles from the auto accident (don't get me started on those bills and the auto insurance I am dealing with!) and today I am pretty sure I have come down with a bad ear infection. But my health is doing well.
Still loving the apartment. No complaints there at all!
That's about all I have time for at the moment. I always think of funny things to write, but never get the time to sit and write them. A lot of good things come to me while catering. I need to take 10 minutes and discuss them after work ;)
I promise it won't be so long until the next blog! I need to get back to AT LEAST once a week! Thanks for hanging in there for those of you who still read!
Yes, I am quite content. Things have changed quite a bit in just a months time. I went from one going well dating experience to another. That's how life works isn't it? You wait and wait and WAIT for something at least DECENT to come around and then you get something good. And just when that good seems to be getting better... then something REALLY good jumps right in front of you and you have this horrible decision to make. However, it's not... HORRIBLE... in all sense of the word is it? Well, horrible for the ones who are up against the challenge, but not for me... who would technically comes out the victor in the end right? I actually had to PICK between two good men. Can you believe it? I sure as hell couldn't. It was horrible. It really was. How do I do this? I haven't had do this since... well... EVER really! I mean I have come close, but this was just really difficult with all I have going on. And after waiting so long for someone decent and now having two decent, but yet so different, men to basically decide which to continue with. It was quite an upheaval.
So I did make my decision. I cried like I was breaking up with my boyfriend of 3 years and we hadn't even been 'committed'. But I guess that's just my sensitive, I don't want to hurt anyone, especially anyone who has been very good and nice to me, side. But it had to be done. I am not the type to drag anyone through the mud or be sneaky sneaky for my pleasure. In fact I am the opposite. I don't have time for such shenanigans. Nor do I want the medical bills from the ulcers it would likely produce.
So here I am with my 'choice'. And it's great. And I am happy! I haven't felt the need to run. I haven't felt the need to hide it from anyone. There has been no drama. There has been no discomfort. There has been no questioning about motives or hidden agendas. It has been... well.. NORMAL. This is weird. Part of me feels I should be scared at just how NORMAL this is, but part of me is like 'YES!!! RELIEF!!!" I can relax. I can smile. I can sleep at night and wake up rested because I have someone in my life who gives me space. But yet still misses me. Someone who sends me flowers... FLOWERS!! Do you know how long it has BEEN?! He doesn't over do things. But yet he lets me know he is around. It's like.. chivalry. Modern times. It's fabulous. It's too good to be true. It's if-this-was-my-girlfriend-I-would-call-her-nuts-and-tell-her-it-won't-last-because-I-am-so-freaking-jealous! But this time. It's me. And I won't question it. He's into me. I am into him. And right now. It's going at the perfect speed. And I will enjoy it!
Other than all that! I am still looking for a new job. I have been doing interview after interview after interview. I am exhausted. About 95% of the interviews are at the same place! Just different departments. Yes the place is THAT big. Some I am over-qualified for. Some they decide not to hire at this time. Some they decide to just hire with-in. Some they just decide to go with someone else. But the fact that they keep calling me tells me that this place must think I will fit in somewhere. I won't give up. My current job is no longer satisfying. I cannot stay. I have been searching for a new job since the middle of June. It's a tough market, but I have a lot to offer. I won't give up!
My neck is still giving me troubles from the auto accident (don't get me started on those bills and the auto insurance I am dealing with!) and today I am pretty sure I have come down with a bad ear infection. But my health is doing well.
Still loving the apartment. No complaints there at all!
That's about all I have time for at the moment. I always think of funny things to write, but never get the time to sit and write them. A lot of good things come to me while catering. I need to take 10 minutes and discuss them after work ;)
I promise it won't be so long until the next blog! I need to get back to AT LEAST once a week! Thanks for hanging in there for those of you who still read!
Monday, September 26, 2011
You are my friend, not because I chose to keep you, but because you chose to keep me
After reading over a blog during my lunch break this afternoon I just had to share these uplifting notes about people... about friendships... because they are just so true. But before I get to them...
I ran into some old... dare I call them friends... acquaintances...? this weekend and it saddened me to hear how little they knew about me and an important part/situation in my life. How judgements can be made. Just how I had been viewed as a person, but at the same time I can not put any blame on anyone in particular because that is life is it not? It was a choice I made, not solo, but something I was, none the less, a part of. A choice that others can judge because they did not fully understand all that surrounded it.
Unless we start handing out the book known as "Our Life and these are the Facts" to every person we meet, assumptions must be made and rumors and judgements will always be passed. I will continue to always clear them up as best I can when I can, but it pains me because I hate the image set forth for me before I ever had a chance to really show people, whom I respect, the person that I really am and the trials that I have been through that have influenced the choices I have made.
But regardless... this blog I read today. It was awesome. And it brings me back to perspective and not to take things to heart so much because life is what it is. And so people don't know my whole story. So people don't always have the facts and have some misunderstandings, but yet, they still talk to me. And they still laugh with me and appear to enjoy my company for the random times we rarely get to see each other now for whatever reason(s); and for that, I am grateful.
I ran into some old... dare I call them friends... acquaintances...? this weekend and it saddened me to hear how little they knew about me and an important part/situation in my life. How judgements can be made. Just how I had been viewed as a person, but at the same time I can not put any blame on anyone in particular because that is life is it not? It was a choice I made, not solo, but something I was, none the less, a part of. A choice that others can judge because they did not fully understand all that surrounded it.
Unless we start handing out the book known as "Our Life and these are the Facts" to every person we meet, assumptions must be made and rumors and judgements will always be passed. I will continue to always clear them up as best I can when I can, but it pains me because I hate the image set forth for me before I ever had a chance to really show people, whom I respect, the person that I really am and the trials that I have been through that have influenced the choices I have made.
But regardless... this blog I read today. It was awesome. And it brings me back to perspective and not to take things to heart so much because life is what it is. And so people don't know my whole story. So people don't always have the facts and have some misunderstandings, but yet, they still talk to me. And they still laugh with me and appear to enjoy my company for the random times we rarely get to see each other now for whatever reason(s); and for that, I am grateful.
- There comes a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything, but it’s not giving up. It’s realizing you don’t need certain people and things and the drama they bring
- If a person wants to be a part of your life they will make an obvious effort to do so. Don’t bother reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay (And I must say, to those that I saw this weekend-you never did give up on me. In spite of everything, you stood your ground and you kept in touch and I really do appreciate that. Same goes to my friends who have known me for so many years. Through my ups and downs. Through my dating, marriage and divorce. You never let me slip away. Thank you. ALL OF YOU!)
- Making a thousand friends is not a miracle. A miracle is making one friend who will stand by your side when thousands are against you
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Oops. It's been awhile!
Sorry for the long wait! I have been busy, busy, busy.
New place that is now all set to go! Still loving it. I now have my netflix for viewing, my Internet for surfing, my HD antenna for non-cable television watching and patio furniture for people spying ;)
My second job catering has really picked up. Good for me and my bank account. Bad for my social life. I definitely feel like all I do is work. I guess that's because... all I do is work. I work 7 days a week. And long hours. I miss the days where I would work baby shifts for the catering company. Little 4-8:30pm shifts. I am now doing start to finish shifts. Set-up and take down. 10 hours. Ugh. Next thing I know I will be loading and unloading the trucks too. A full blown 14-15 hour day. I hope it doesn't come to that. As much as the money would be nice. So is my sanity. I literally can't keep my eyes open at my full-time job anymore sometimes I am so exhausted. But I am enjoying MOST of the events I am doing. My favorites being the fund raising events where there first place the guests head for is the bar. By the time they sit down for dinner they are so drunk they don't know what the hell is going on. It's great. The weddings aren't too bad either. That is ... after the sappy speeches and bouquet tossing and mushy crap that makes me want to vomit. Let's get the heavy drinking started and the music blasting so I don't feel the vomit constantly rising up in the back of my throat thank-you-very-much.
I follow a blogger of my own. She is fantastic. She is hilarious. She is a writer. She is no one I know personally, but definitely an inspiration and the other day she had a 'bad day'. And can I just say... how GOOD that made me feel?! That this woman... who is freaking hilarious. Who is witty and smart who doesn't have the perfect, sappy marriage, who has a crazy dark side to her, who swears and doesn't mind it, who has CATS (heaven forbid) and proudly and comically talks about them... actually has 'depressed' days and she BLOGS them?! It made me feel human because hey... even the greatest, popular people out there have days where they make their titles read "Fuck". I loved it. Nice to know I am not the only one who feels the need to vent and swear and yell on her blog. I guess what I am missing is that she eventually goes back and does an "Update" when she is feeling even slightly better to throw a more positive vibe on it afterwards. So that is noted. I will have to start doing that too. Man, I want to meet this chickie. She rocks.
I have been hanging out with a 'new' guy. I say 'new' because he is actually someone I have known about for a few years and have had on my facebook for all this time. I met him through First Love. Yup, they were high school pals. We have chatted here and there. Made comments on each other posts, etc. Well, about 4 months back now I would say he insisted we meet up. I am single, he is single... what the heck right? Well, I don't know. Guess I just wasn't feeling it? So after months of his persistence I finally gave in... only to cancel on the poor guy 4 times. For good reasons! I never did it to be rude! Honestly! But then FINALLY we were able to have a very casual non-date date. And it turned out to be... OK. In fact, it was better than OK. It was actually ... yes... it was FUN.
Sooooo.... what's the problem, right? Where's the hold up? Well, you know me. Picky, picky, damaged, over-analyzer. He isn't my normal type (cause that has worked out real well...), he hasn't finished school, he doesn't do this, doesn't have that... OK... so I am knit-picking every reason in the book.
So I saw my therapist. And I said out loud. "I am not going to knit-pick this cool, fun guy to death". This time... THIS TIME... I am just going to enjoy today and not look any farther than that. And THAT is EXACTLY what I have been doing. And thus far, it has been fun. Challenging not to analyze, but I have been having fun. And it has been nice to have someone around again. Someone to actually make consistent plans with. It's so odd!! He doesn't blow me off. He doesn't constantly have 'dinner plans with his parents'... or 'morning golf with his "buddies"' or 'guys only night' (EVERY WEEKEND) like all the other losers I have dated in the past. He actually has TIME for me. He actually... get this... he ACTUALLY cooks me dinner, helps with the dishes, has VACUUMED my apartment AND taken out my garbage!!! Holy... cannoli. But at the same time... he isn't ...how do I say it. He isn't a wuss. He has an opinion. He doesn't/wouldn't let me walk all over him. He does things he knows I need him to do because it's been a long day or I worked all weekend, but at the same time... if I get out of line he isn't going to let me use the excuse of "I'm tired" get used. He's a man with his balls attached, but his heart still in place ;) Definitely not the usual wouldn't we all agree?????
But yes. The hesitancies are still there, but I just acknowledge them and then put them on my imaginary conveyor belt and watch them get carried away into 'not today' land.
And finally I would just like to take a moment to show my respects to my cat Jasper "Mimi" "Double-Stuffed" L-K who was euthanized on 9/19/11 due to an unknown illness that we could not cure him of. I received him prior to my 18th birthday as a gift from my mom. My ex-hubs and I had picked him out together (hence the hyphened last name). He was born on 09/06/1998. He was a chunky lovable black and white cat that I had to leave at home with my parents when my ex and I moved out into an apartment. We were unable to take him with because he had grown attached to my parents cat, Calli, and we were unable to have him at our new place. I told my ex about his passing via text... to which I got no response. Sometimes... I wonder how I could have ever married such a heartless bastard... but then again... I remember all the times he didn't come out to celebrate my birthday with me and my friends. So I guess I shouldn't be that surprised. I love ya Jasper. Due to my job and all the craziness and uncertainty going on I was not able to leave and be there for you and say good-bye one last time. But I loved you and may your blessed little kitty soul rest in peace and chase all the mice your little heart desires.
New place that is now all set to go! Still loving it. I now have my netflix for viewing, my Internet for surfing, my HD antenna for non-cable television watching and patio furniture for people spying ;)
My second job catering has really picked up. Good for me and my bank account. Bad for my social life. I definitely feel like all I do is work. I guess that's because... all I do is work. I work 7 days a week. And long hours. I miss the days where I would work baby shifts for the catering company. Little 4-8:30pm shifts. I am now doing start to finish shifts. Set-up and take down. 10 hours. Ugh. Next thing I know I will be loading and unloading the trucks too. A full blown 14-15 hour day. I hope it doesn't come to that. As much as the money would be nice. So is my sanity. I literally can't keep my eyes open at my full-time job anymore sometimes I am so exhausted. But I am enjoying MOST of the events I am doing. My favorites being the fund raising events where there first place the guests head for is the bar. By the time they sit down for dinner they are so drunk they don't know what the hell is going on. It's great. The weddings aren't too bad either. That is ... after the sappy speeches and bouquet tossing and mushy crap that makes me want to vomit. Let's get the heavy drinking started and the music blasting so I don't feel the vomit constantly rising up in the back of my throat thank-you-very-much.
I follow a blogger of my own. She is fantastic. She is hilarious. She is a writer. She is no one I know personally, but definitely an inspiration and the other day she had a 'bad day'. And can I just say... how GOOD that made me feel?! That this woman... who is freaking hilarious. Who is witty and smart who doesn't have the perfect, sappy marriage, who has a crazy dark side to her, who swears and doesn't mind it, who has CATS (heaven forbid) and proudly and comically talks about them... actually has 'depressed' days and she BLOGS them?! It made me feel human because hey... even the greatest, popular people out there have days where they make their titles read "Fuck". I loved it. Nice to know I am not the only one who feels the need to vent and swear and yell on her blog. I guess what I am missing is that she eventually goes back and does an "Update" when she is feeling even slightly better to throw a more positive vibe on it afterwards. So that is noted. I will have to start doing that too. Man, I want to meet this chickie. She rocks.
I have been hanging out with a 'new' guy. I say 'new' because he is actually someone I have known about for a few years and have had on my facebook for all this time. I met him through First Love. Yup, they were high school pals. We have chatted here and there. Made comments on each other posts, etc. Well, about 4 months back now I would say he insisted we meet up. I am single, he is single... what the heck right? Well, I don't know. Guess I just wasn't feeling it? So after months of his persistence I finally gave in... only to cancel on the poor guy 4 times. For good reasons! I never did it to be rude! Honestly! But then FINALLY we were able to have a very casual non-date date. And it turned out to be... OK. In fact, it was better than OK. It was actually ... yes... it was FUN.
Sooooo.... what's the problem, right? Where's the hold up? Well, you know me. Picky, picky, damaged, over-analyzer. He isn't my normal type (cause that has worked out real well...), he hasn't finished school, he doesn't do this, doesn't have that... OK... so I am knit-picking every reason in the book.
So I saw my therapist. And I said out loud. "I am not going to knit-pick this cool, fun guy to death". This time... THIS TIME... I am just going to enjoy today and not look any farther than that. And THAT is EXACTLY what I have been doing. And thus far, it has been fun. Challenging not to analyze, but I have been having fun. And it has been nice to have someone around again. Someone to actually make consistent plans with. It's so odd!! He doesn't blow me off. He doesn't constantly have 'dinner plans with his parents'... or 'morning golf with his "buddies"' or 'guys only night' (EVERY WEEKEND) like all the other losers I have dated in the past. He actually has TIME for me. He actually... get this... he ACTUALLY cooks me dinner, helps with the dishes, has VACUUMED my apartment AND taken out my garbage!!! Holy... cannoli. But at the same time... he isn't ...how do I say it. He isn't a wuss. He has an opinion. He doesn't/wouldn't let me walk all over him. He does things he knows I need him to do because it's been a long day or I worked all weekend, but at the same time... if I get out of line he isn't going to let me use the excuse of "I'm tired" get used. He's a man with his balls attached, but his heart still in place ;) Definitely not the usual wouldn't we all agree?????
But yes. The hesitancies are still there, but I just acknowledge them and then put them on my imaginary conveyor belt and watch them get carried away into 'not today' land.
And finally I would just like to take a moment to show my respects to my cat Jasper "Mimi" "Double-Stuffed" L-K who was euthanized on 9/19/11 due to an unknown illness that we could not cure him of. I received him prior to my 18th birthday as a gift from my mom. My ex-hubs and I had picked him out together (hence the hyphened last name). He was born on 09/06/1998. He was a chunky lovable black and white cat that I had to leave at home with my parents when my ex and I moved out into an apartment. We were unable to take him with because he had grown attached to my parents cat, Calli, and we were unable to have him at our new place. I told my ex about his passing via text... to which I got no response. Sometimes... I wonder how I could have ever married such a heartless bastard... but then again... I remember all the times he didn't come out to celebrate my birthday with me and my friends. So I guess I shouldn't be that surprised. I love ya Jasper. Due to my job and all the craziness and uncertainty going on I was not able to leave and be there for you and say good-bye one last time. But I loved you and may your blessed little kitty soul rest in peace and chase all the mice your little heart desires.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Home Sweet Franklin
So I have finally moved into my new place. And I love it. I really do. I love being farther from the "city". I moved out of dirty dirty Stallis where I have spent the past 1.5 years and moved to Franklin. There is a park in my backyard that my sister many years ago had her wedding pictures taken (as did I ironically) that I cannot wait to take my first jog through. There are two beautiful well kept outdoor pools. A beautiful gym. An indoor hot tub and spa. My laundry room and mail slot are both inside my apt building complex (as this past year they were both located outside at another location and that just blew smoke!). And I once again have a small storage space located in the basement for miscellaneous odds and ends.
As for my apartment itself. It is soooo fabulous! It is on the third floor (the highest level so no one is walking above me which I wanted!! YEAH!!) No elevator and I am happy for that. I love being forced to take the stairs. Lord knows I need the extra exercise lately with my recent unexpected weight gain that I am gung-ho to lose! It is spacious with a large balcony. It is more spacious than I thought it would be when I first saw it. My living room fit all my large furniture! My bedroom has so much room and closet space. I have a huge linen closet and pantry. Can you just FEEL my excitement? I really am happy here! I met a young gal of a neighbor already and she states that she is very happy here. She says she never hears nor rarely even sees anyone! No kids, no dogs. Very quiet. Those were the final words I needed to hear. As if I didn't love the place already! :) This is the first time I have moved and felt joy. Happiness. Peace. Contentment. No tears were shed this time. Just calm. And almost a twinge of excitement for this new adventure. This clear hope and expectation that this time... I am on my own, it's my life, and I JUST MIGHT be ok. I don't have to live for anyone else or up to anyone else's expectations like I always believed. Damnit it! I am not going to be drug along in everyone else's mess and shadow anymore. I am not going to be treated like garbage for fear of hurting them or losing them.
So my second night sleeping there... I lost a few friends. I hated that it happened. I was soooo sad to see them go, but some things went down and they didn't care to apologize to me. They didn't care for the way they had been treating me or had been acting around me when I had been seeing them recently and sincerely apologizing (and apologizing...) for my recent mishaps. I never got an 'it's ok.' or 'I forgive you'. I simply got an 'I couldn't deal with it' response. And I guess that meant that was that... They were too good to apologize and recognize theirs. So was this really friendship? Or mere convenience until someone... something better came along? Well guess what? I am not waiting to find out. Yes, it hurt to do it. I am not above the hurt like some others appear to be. The door will never be officially be closed, but right now it is. I don't have time for childish games and being treated like I am so horrible that I deserve such treatment. But anyways... it is what it is and I can't let it bring me down anymore. If I mean anything to them it will come around and we will talk and work it out. And if not, then it will just be a thing of the past.
But anyways... enough of that right?! Funny story about my little miss Sophia, the sneaky little curious devil of a cat that she is. Almost gave me a stinking panic attack!! The second night of moving in and after the second and final run of the night I was unpacking with some of those whom had been helping me out. It had been about a good... almost 2 hours of time passing since we had left the apartment and had come back and started unpacking some things when I paused because I knew something wasn't right.
Me: "Anyone seen Sophia recently?!".
Them: "Oh she is probably just sleeping under the bed, etc. etc."
Me: "Oooooh no. Sophia is a social cat. She doesn't sleep when company is here nor does she 'hide' under the bed".
So we search. And she is NOWHERE. And all I can think of is how she got out of the apartment and has been out for two hours. What if someone grabbed her and has her in their apartment and now I have to go knocking on everyone's door? What if they don't give her back? (She IS a TOTAL sweetheart) What if she got outside?! We will NEVER find her THEN! PLUS I live RIGHT OFF a MAJOR/BUSY road! And the kicker: What if someone calls the front office about a black/white cat they found in building 10502. You know... the cat that I never claimed I even HAVE. Shit. So I am running down the stairs and around each floor. When I finally get to the basement where the laundry room door is... there she is. Probably dehydrated from meowing so much that she can't even get out a sound to cry. OH THANK GOD. So I quickly scoop her up and scold her in my most soothing voice.
"Yous a sassy sassy kitty 'ophia! Your naaaaaughty!" (kiss kiss, pet pet) Ugh. Wait until I have kids right?!
Well last night I cleaned out the old apartment with the old roomie so I am officially done there. Just working on getting the last minor things put away at my new place and then I will be totally settled and life will continue as is. As always, I will keep you updated!
As for my apartment itself. It is soooo fabulous! It is on the third floor (the highest level so no one is walking above me which I wanted!! YEAH!!) No elevator and I am happy for that. I love being forced to take the stairs. Lord knows I need the extra exercise lately with my recent unexpected weight gain that I am gung-ho to lose! It is spacious with a large balcony. It is more spacious than I thought it would be when I first saw it. My living room fit all my large furniture! My bedroom has so much room and closet space. I have a huge linen closet and pantry. Can you just FEEL my excitement? I really am happy here! I met a young gal of a neighbor already and she states that she is very happy here. She says she never hears nor rarely even sees anyone! No kids, no dogs. Very quiet. Those were the final words I needed to hear. As if I didn't love the place already! :) This is the first time I have moved and felt joy. Happiness. Peace. Contentment. No tears were shed this time. Just calm. And almost a twinge of excitement for this new adventure. This clear hope and expectation that this time... I am on my own, it's my life, and I JUST MIGHT be ok. I don't have to live for anyone else or up to anyone else's expectations like I always believed. Damnit it! I am not going to be drug along in everyone else's mess and shadow anymore. I am not going to be treated like garbage for fear of hurting them or losing them.
So my second night sleeping there... I lost a few friends. I hated that it happened. I was soooo sad to see them go, but some things went down and they didn't care to apologize to me. They didn't care for the way they had been treating me or had been acting around me when I had been seeing them recently and sincerely apologizing (and apologizing...) for my recent mishaps. I never got an 'it's ok.' or 'I forgive you'. I simply got an 'I couldn't deal with it' response. And I guess that meant that was that... They were too good to apologize and recognize theirs. So was this really friendship? Or mere convenience until someone... something better came along? Well guess what? I am not waiting to find out. Yes, it hurt to do it. I am not above the hurt like some others appear to be. The door will never be officially be closed, but right now it is. I don't have time for childish games and being treated like I am so horrible that I deserve such treatment. But anyways... it is what it is and I can't let it bring me down anymore. If I mean anything to them it will come around and we will talk and work it out. And if not, then it will just be a thing of the past.
But anyways... enough of that right?! Funny story about my little miss Sophia, the sneaky little curious devil of a cat that she is. Almost gave me a stinking panic attack!! The second night of moving in and after the second and final run of the night I was unpacking with some of those whom had been helping me out. It had been about a good... almost 2 hours of time passing since we had left the apartment and had come back and started unpacking some things when I paused because I knew something wasn't right.
Me: "Anyone seen Sophia recently?!".
Them: "Oh she is probably just sleeping under the bed, etc. etc."
Me: "Oooooh no. Sophia is a social cat. She doesn't sleep when company is here nor does she 'hide' under the bed".
So we search. And she is NOWHERE. And all I can think of is how she got out of the apartment and has been out for two hours. What if someone grabbed her and has her in their apartment and now I have to go knocking on everyone's door? What if they don't give her back? (She IS a TOTAL sweetheart) What if she got outside?! We will NEVER find her THEN! PLUS I live RIGHT OFF a MAJOR/BUSY road! And the kicker: What if someone calls the front office about a black/white cat they found in building 10502. You know... the cat that I never claimed I even HAVE. Shit. So I am running down the stairs and around each floor. When I finally get to the basement where the laundry room door is... there she is. Probably dehydrated from meowing so much that she can't even get out a sound to cry. OH THANK GOD. So I quickly scoop her up and scold her in my most soothing voice.
"Yous a sassy sassy kitty 'ophia! Your naaaaaughty!" (kiss kiss, pet pet) Ugh. Wait until I have kids right?!
Well last night I cleaned out the old apartment with the old roomie so I am officially done there. Just working on getting the last minor things put away at my new place and then I will be totally settled and life will continue as is. As always, I will keep you updated!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Now THAT'S Motivation
Irony is:
For the first time in almost a year, allowing yourself to actually sit down on your couch that still feels brand new (though purchased a little over a year ago), flip on the television and allow yourself to watch (real-time) the final episode of a challenge you have been following for the past few months by DVR.. only to have the electricity go out. And there isn't a storm cloud in the sky. And it is 9:30 at night. And you have already packed away all your candles because you are moving. As well as your flashlight. And your phone is only at 15% battery power. And you could read, but you packed away your little reading light too.
Damnit.
Now if that isn't motivation to use what is left of that 15% battery life to find at least one candle to get off your lazy butt and finish up some packing that seriously needs to get done, I don't know what is!
And wouldn't you know... the minute I added my last box to the stack and decided to call it quits for the night... my lights came back on. Huh. And that is how I ended my Wednesday night. Brilliant, God... Brilliant! :-)
For the first time in almost a year, allowing yourself to actually sit down on your couch that still feels brand new (though purchased a little over a year ago), flip on the television and allow yourself to watch (real-time) the final episode of a challenge you have been following for the past few months by DVR.. only to have the electricity go out. And there isn't a storm cloud in the sky. And it is 9:30 at night. And you have already packed away all your candles because you are moving. As well as your flashlight. And your phone is only at 15% battery power. And you could read, but you packed away your little reading light too.
Damnit.
Now if that isn't motivation to use what is left of that 15% battery life to find at least one candle to get off your lazy butt and finish up some packing that seriously needs to get done, I don't know what is!
And wouldn't you know... the minute I added my last box to the stack and decided to call it quits for the night... my lights came back on. Huh. And that is how I ended my Wednesday night. Brilliant, God... Brilliant! :-)
Monday, August 22, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
Last Gal Standing
A little over one year ago I was hired on as gal number 3 to a newly formed department at a medical office. The time has quickly come and gone and changes have been made and my job has randomly changed during this time.
As life would have it, the last gal hired is the last gal fir... nope. None of us were fired. One left because of some life changing events and another left because of the stress caused by current downsizing at the company. Today was her last day.
So now I sit at my desk feeling this strange emptiness. How quickly life changes in a year. How quickly one can get to know someone and then next thing you know you blink and they are gone.
Things didn't end as planned with one of the gals. She was my co-worker, but also my friend. But life is touchy and sometimes certain situations can bring out a side of someone you have never known was there before.
I haven't much to say about that except that I feel the void of a co-worker and friendship lost.
I hope I can get my ass out of here soon too!! Keep your fingers crossed for me everyone!!
Gracias!
As life would have it, the last gal hired is the last gal fir... nope. None of us were fired. One left because of some life changing events and another left because of the stress caused by current downsizing at the company. Today was her last day.
So now I sit at my desk feeling this strange emptiness. How quickly life changes in a year. How quickly one can get to know someone and then next thing you know you blink and they are gone.
Things didn't end as planned with one of the gals. She was my co-worker, but also my friend. But life is touchy and sometimes certain situations can bring out a side of someone you have never known was there before.
I haven't much to say about that except that I feel the void of a co-worker and friendship lost.
I hope I can get my ass out of here soon too!! Keep your fingers crossed for me everyone!!
Gracias!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
Honey Badger Don't Give a Shit...
So why should I?!
I think I could learn alot from the honey badger. I think I could learn that I should never let anything stand in my way. That everything has the potential to have its head ripped off no matter size, venom, or fight.
I could also learn that there are vultures and thieves always waiting around for my scraps and leftovers.
I could ALSO learn that I am often times a ruthless bitch and maybe I need to calm down... just a tad ;)
So this weekend was interesting. I met a guy who thinks he is God's gift to the world... except that he doesn't believe in God. Oops. Strike one! He is 27 going on extreme immaturity. Oops. Strike two! And he thinks me wanting to have children some day is naive because what is the point of children other than adding to an already overpopulated world? Oops. Strike three! He was already out before the evening really began, but let's not stop at three. This is fun :) Let's keep going!
Strike four: He lives off mommy and daddy's money. Strike five: He doesn't like loud or crowded bars. Strike six: He definitely comes on strong because I think he is used to getting what he wants (he was SHOCKED that a girl would turn him down for a kiss....Ummm... sorry buddy, I didn't even get a DATE out of you) ;) I could go on. But regardless, pretty sure if you looked up the word 'tool' in the dictionary. You might see his picture in one of the definitions. But to be nice he did have a decent body and pretty eyes. Always look at the bright side, right?!
Oh what else? I worked a boring event for catering. Note to those getting married abroad: Do not come home and just have a reception party because from experience I have seen that about 55-60% of the RSVP'd guests show up and the mood just isn't there like a wedding at home. Save your money and do a backyard bbq.
I got into it with two good gal pals. Sometimes hurt can come out in the worst way and worst time possible. The funny thing was I couldn't figure out just WHY I was hurt and crabby until the next day. You ever have that? You are just upset and hurt about something and you have no freaking clue why? Well that was me. Just angry for no good reason at the time, but at least I figured it out later and worked with it from there. Alcohol can be your best friend sometimes... or your worst enemy. I hate being such a crabby bitch sometimes, but I have also learned that sometimes... sometimes... it is valid.
I also got to finally see the last Harry Potter movie. I am a dork, I know, but I really do enjoy that imaginary break sometimes! Got to go with my oldest niece. Love her!
Also got to go to the zoo for the first time this year and experience my sister's daily life. I got to play mommy to my two unbelievably gorgeous, blonde nieces. Two completely different personalities, but still a lot to handle. But I loved it. Every minute of it. I have one being a perfect angel just enjoying the show and I have one being dramatic because I won't let her run in her flip flops! But I got to learn how to handle two children in a very crowded place while dealing with drama while starving and hot and struggling with lack of sleep and a big red wagon that doesn't fit anywhere. But again... can I just say how much I loved it? How much I loved acting like these two beauties were MINE? Like this was my life every day. Because with all that fuss comes that moment when they need you. When my 5 year old niece wants me to hold her while waiting in line for the train because she needs to feel loved and wants to 'schnug' my hair and hug me and even though she is getting big and my arms are cramping.. I refuse to put her down. These girls are my life. They are a HUGE reason I am still living close to home (I can't miss them growing up. I can't not be there for them and the rest of my family). The reason I am still around... because how could I ever cause them pain if I can help it? My oldest niece and HER daughter were also at the zoo. My great-niece would she be called?? Amazing that at the age of 30 I was already in the presence of three generations of my immediate family and I am the OLDEST. Life is crazy. Family is soooooo great! Really!
And then to top off my weekend I finally got some sleep. I did a little shopping. Had dinner with a friend. Played and dominated at putt putt (still undefeated thank you very much!) and then came home... got a few chores done, but not nearly as much as I wanted and then crashed extremely early for the evening.
Now if that isn't one freaking eventful weekend... I don't know what is!
I think I could learn alot from the honey badger. I think I could learn that I should never let anything stand in my way. That everything has the potential to have its head ripped off no matter size, venom, or fight.
I could also learn that there are vultures and thieves always waiting around for my scraps and leftovers.
I could ALSO learn that I am often times a ruthless bitch and maybe I need to calm down... just a tad ;)
So this weekend was interesting. I met a guy who thinks he is God's gift to the world... except that he doesn't believe in God. Oops. Strike one! He is 27 going on extreme immaturity. Oops. Strike two! And he thinks me wanting to have children some day is naive because what is the point of children other than adding to an already overpopulated world? Oops. Strike three! He was already out before the evening really began, but let's not stop at three. This is fun :) Let's keep going!
Strike four: He lives off mommy and daddy's money. Strike five: He doesn't like loud or crowded bars. Strike six: He definitely comes on strong because I think he is used to getting what he wants (he was SHOCKED that a girl would turn him down for a kiss....Ummm... sorry buddy, I didn't even get a DATE out of you) ;) I could go on. But regardless, pretty sure if you looked up the word 'tool' in the dictionary. You might see his picture in one of the definitions. But to be nice he did have a decent body and pretty eyes. Always look at the bright side, right?!
Oh what else? I worked a boring event for catering. Note to those getting married abroad: Do not come home and just have a reception party because from experience I have seen that about 55-60% of the RSVP'd guests show up and the mood just isn't there like a wedding at home. Save your money and do a backyard bbq.
I got into it with two good gal pals. Sometimes hurt can come out in the worst way and worst time possible. The funny thing was I couldn't figure out just WHY I was hurt and crabby until the next day. You ever have that? You are just upset and hurt about something and you have no freaking clue why? Well that was me. Just angry for no good reason at the time, but at least I figured it out later and worked with it from there. Alcohol can be your best friend sometimes... or your worst enemy. I hate being such a crabby bitch sometimes, but I have also learned that sometimes... sometimes... it is valid.
I also got to finally see the last Harry Potter movie. I am a dork, I know, but I really do enjoy that imaginary break sometimes! Got to go with my oldest niece. Love her!
Also got to go to the zoo for the first time this year and experience my sister's daily life. I got to play mommy to my two unbelievably gorgeous, blonde nieces. Two completely different personalities, but still a lot to handle. But I loved it. Every minute of it. I have one being a perfect angel just enjoying the show and I have one being dramatic because I won't let her run in her flip flops! But I got to learn how to handle two children in a very crowded place while dealing with drama while starving and hot and struggling with lack of sleep and a big red wagon that doesn't fit anywhere. But again... can I just say how much I loved it? How much I loved acting like these two beauties were MINE? Like this was my life every day. Because with all that fuss comes that moment when they need you. When my 5 year old niece wants me to hold her while waiting in line for the train because she needs to feel loved and wants to 'schnug' my hair and hug me and even though she is getting big and my arms are cramping.. I refuse to put her down. These girls are my life. They are a HUGE reason I am still living close to home (I can't miss them growing up. I can't not be there for them and the rest of my family). The reason I am still around... because how could I ever cause them pain if I can help it? My oldest niece and HER daughter were also at the zoo. My great-niece would she be called?? Amazing that at the age of 30 I was already in the presence of three generations of my immediate family and I am the OLDEST. Life is crazy. Family is soooooo great! Really!
And then to top off my weekend I finally got some sleep. I did a little shopping. Had dinner with a friend. Played and dominated at putt putt (still undefeated thank you very much!) and then came home... got a few chores done, but not nearly as much as I wanted and then crashed extremely early for the evening.
Now if that isn't one freaking eventful weekend... I don't know what is!
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Topics for Discussion
So my blogs haven't been all that great and I seem to be having writer's block and/or unable to find the funnier side of things in life recently. I have a lot going on from preparing a move to a new place at the end of the month (oh joy, the thrill of going through all of one's crap-I think there are a lot of things I was unable to part with in all these moves the past 3 years and I think NOW is the time to do some serious reconsideration on what is worth constantly keeping as baggage from one move to the next. Yes, people, both physical AND emotional haha) to my job not being at its peak to fighting medical bills to having my car fixed after being rear-ended on the freeway to losing some close friends to the inexcisable droans of the dating world. I got a lot going on.
So to help me push through and focus on my blog and making it better again and getting up to speed, I am opening up my mind and writing capabilities to suggestions. Is there anything you want to hear more about? Anything you want me to elaborate on? Anything you have been dying to know? Anything you want to know my opinion on? You name it and, it if is within reason, I will certainly respond. You can be anonymous if you'd like. Most of you are on my facebook or you could send me a message through here. I will keep on chugging as ideas come up, but let's work through this blog... errr.... block together!!
So to help me push through and focus on my blog and making it better again and getting up to speed, I am opening up my mind and writing capabilities to suggestions. Is there anything you want to hear more about? Anything you want me to elaborate on? Anything you have been dying to know? Anything you want to know my opinion on? You name it and, it if is within reason, I will certainly respond. You can be anonymous if you'd like. Most of you are on my facebook or you could send me a message through here. I will keep on chugging as ideas come up, but let's work through this blog... errr.... block together!!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Crappy Blogger
I have just been told by a viable critic that my blogs now suck.
I couldn't agree more. After my facebook account is gone, my blog will be next!!
Sorry to have let my followers down :-(. Life sucks and sometimes you can't and don't really want to push through anymore because you lose sight of the point.
My sincere apologies.
~T
I couldn't agree more. After my facebook account is gone, my blog will be next!!
Sorry to have let my followers down :-(. Life sucks and sometimes you can't and don't really want to push through anymore because you lose sight of the point.
My sincere apologies.
~T
It never fails.
Well, I gave the whole 'let's get T back into the dating world thing' a shot and my first date... Epic Fail.
Thank you 'Young and Restless' (as he shall now be named) for taking me ou... wait. I did not even get that. I got what I thought was a sweet evening in with wine (which turned out to be boxed wine mind you, but he is young and has yet to learn so I gave him a bit of a learning curve to go off of) and some blase (read blah-zay because apparently blogspot cannot edit for french terms) discussion. Whatever "he is cute and shy!" I say. Ha. Hahahaha. Dumbass. Yes, Yes I know. In 2011, this old girl has learned that 'shy and cute = player'. But I did not learn that until later.
So I invite him to come with me (for the first time ever for me!) as my date to the Fun on the Fox annual boat party. {Insert gasp here}. I know right. I think Y&R is thee... second guy I have introduced my family to since First Love. But my family had already met him once before (you know... friend of a friend kind of stuff) and they actually encouraged this encounte. This is huge. And total proof that I was setting aside all qualms about dating and expectations. I had none when it came to Y&R. OK... so maybe I had one and it followed along the lines of 'don't be an ass and just use me for a good time'. So what did I get? Oh, naturally ya'll, I got an ASS who wanted to USE ME for a GOOD TIME. So we had what I thought was a pretty fun and relaxing time on Saturday and then come Saturday night... all bets were off. He came in for the kill. He got far, not going to lie. I stated that I wasn't interested quite a few times (seriously... this was a situation I knew could not POSSIBLY end well), but players know how to play so ...he had been doing so well so far and what I had actually called a SWEETHEART so yeah, I gave in quite a bit.
Lo and behold the next day, I don't hear anything from him. Ok. No biggie. He's busy, right...? I always jump to conclusions, but not this time. Oh no. This time I am going to be a good girl and just wait for him to contact me because I am not crazy. Well, crazy kicks in at about 2pm Monday when I finally send the text "So is that IT?!" to which I get ONE response back.... "I am not looking for anything serious, maybe we can hang out sometime next week". Shot down like a damn rabied raccoon.
Mother-fucker. Son of a bitch. I KNEW it. So, needless to say, T is back to going solo because men FUCKING suck. I let my guard down. I tried not to jump to conclusions. I tried to just play, I tried not to judge the boxed wine. And look what it got me... not a damn thing. Not even dinner. Boo. Well, it was an experience that now has been added to my dating blog of woes and something I can learn from.
I learned: Don't date. Nothing ever changes. Walls up... walls down. It is still the same bullshit attached to a different masquerade face mask.
Yes, I hear all you blog readers "But that was just one time...! Try again, try again! He is out there!!" Oh... really????! Is THAT why all my other friends are single six months or less and BAM! along comes the person they are going to marry??... or get pregnant with...? Riiiiight.
Oh... and don't worry... I wouldn't DARE forget "T... stop looking and then it will just HAPPEN". Really?! Huh. Cause 1. I am pretty sure others seek AND find (even though they want to ACT like they weren't looking) and 2. It's not like I can just snap my little fingers and suddenly filter out my nights of lonely crying and dateless evenings and events. Because if I could... I would fucking be single forever! Live for myself! Carpe Diem!! But you see... this girl may be independent, but she also wants to be loved. A life alone, in MY eyes, is NOT a life worth living. For some of you... dream come true. Is that why you are in a relationship?!
It's like my diet. I decided to go on an all protein diet for 4 days. What we would call the 'Attack and drop 5 pounds and cravings phase". I made it until dinner and then it was like... carb load central. So now not only am I stuck with major gut pain for the evening, but also a lot of guilt. Because as much as I want to lose weight so I can attract a man and not be 15 lbs over my 'healthy' weight... the more I try to lose it and not THINK about it... the more I think about it and want to go on a killing rampage of all skinny bitches whose thighs don't touch like mine once didn't.
So go on... tell me AGAIN to 'not dwell on it'... and then run home to your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife and babie(s) and tell me how awesome it would be to be single. Who will you sleep with then?? Hmmm... HMMMM???
The grass is always greener right? Except one thing... I have been on the other side and I always knew that was the greener pasture. I did not want this, but I didn't want a green pasture spoiled by weeds either.
It's a bad night. Remember: my therapist said that it is ok to have 'bad nights'.
Too bad I am drain bed from lack of sleep and thought my appointment with her was today instead of tomorrow in which case I had to cancel now because God forbid I miss more pay.
Phooey.
So my conclussion: I will still move forward, hating men, but try not to think about it and eat my carbs because if I deny myself I will only want them more and then my ass won't even fit into the one pair of jeans that still make me feel slightly desirable... on a good night... when I skip dinner... and am not on the rag.
AMEN! HALLELUJAH!... HOLY SHIT......
:) Smile. God loves you, T.
Thank you 'Young and Restless' (as he shall now be named) for taking me ou... wait. I did not even get that. I got what I thought was a sweet evening in with wine (which turned out to be boxed wine mind you, but he is young and has yet to learn so I gave him a bit of a learning curve to go off of) and some blase (read blah-zay because apparently blogspot cannot edit for french terms) discussion. Whatever "he is cute and shy!" I say. Ha. Hahahaha. Dumbass. Yes, Yes I know. In 2011, this old girl has learned that 'shy and cute = player'. But I did not learn that until later.
So I invite him to come with me (for the first time ever for me!) as my date to the Fun on the Fox annual boat party. {Insert gasp here}. I know right. I think Y&R is thee... second guy I have introduced my family to since First Love. But my family had already met him once before (you know... friend of a friend kind of stuff) and they actually encouraged this encounte. This is huge. And total proof that I was setting aside all qualms about dating and expectations. I had none when it came to Y&R. OK... so maybe I had one and it followed along the lines of 'don't be an ass and just use me for a good time'. So what did I get? Oh, naturally ya'll, I got an ASS who wanted to USE ME for a GOOD TIME. So we had what I thought was a pretty fun and relaxing time on Saturday and then come Saturday night... all bets were off. He came in for the kill. He got far, not going to lie. I stated that I wasn't interested quite a few times (seriously... this was a situation I knew could not POSSIBLY end well), but players know how to play so ...he had been doing so well so far and what I had actually called a SWEETHEART so yeah, I gave in quite a bit.
Lo and behold the next day, I don't hear anything from him. Ok. No biggie. He's busy, right...? I always jump to conclusions, but not this time. Oh no. This time I am going to be a good girl and just wait for him to contact me because I am not crazy. Well, crazy kicks in at about 2pm Monday when I finally send the text "So is that IT?!" to which I get ONE response back.... "I am not looking for anything serious, maybe we can hang out sometime next week". Shot down like a damn rabied raccoon.
Mother-fucker. Son of a bitch. I KNEW it. So, needless to say, T is back to going solo because men FUCKING suck. I let my guard down. I tried not to jump to conclusions. I tried to just play, I tried not to judge the boxed wine. And look what it got me... not a damn thing. Not even dinner. Boo. Well, it was an experience that now has been added to my dating blog of woes and something I can learn from.
I learned: Don't date. Nothing ever changes. Walls up... walls down. It is still the same bullshit attached to a different masquerade face mask.
Yes, I hear all you blog readers "But that was just one time...! Try again, try again! He is out there!!" Oh... really????! Is THAT why all my other friends are single six months or less and BAM! along comes the person they are going to marry??... or get pregnant with...? Riiiiight.
Oh... and don't worry... I wouldn't DARE forget "T... stop looking and then it will just HAPPEN". Really?! Huh. Cause 1. I am pretty sure others seek AND find (even though they want to ACT like they weren't looking) and 2. It's not like I can just snap my little fingers and suddenly filter out my nights of lonely crying and dateless evenings and events. Because if I could... I would fucking be single forever! Live for myself! Carpe Diem!! But you see... this girl may be independent, but she also wants to be loved. A life alone, in MY eyes, is NOT a life worth living. For some of you... dream come true. Is that why you are in a relationship?!
It's like my diet. I decided to go on an all protein diet for 4 days. What we would call the 'Attack and drop 5 pounds and cravings phase". I made it until dinner and then it was like... carb load central. So now not only am I stuck with major gut pain for the evening, but also a lot of guilt. Because as much as I want to lose weight so I can attract a man and not be 15 lbs over my 'healthy' weight... the more I try to lose it and not THINK about it... the more I think about it and want to go on a killing rampage of all skinny bitches whose thighs don't touch like mine once didn't.
So go on... tell me AGAIN to 'not dwell on it'... and then run home to your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife and babie(s) and tell me how awesome it would be to be single. Who will you sleep with then?? Hmmm... HMMMM???
The grass is always greener right? Except one thing... I have been on the other side and I always knew that was the greener pasture. I did not want this, but I didn't want a green pasture spoiled by weeds either.
It's a bad night. Remember: my therapist said that it is ok to have 'bad nights'.
Too bad I am drain bed from lack of sleep and thought my appointment with her was today instead of tomorrow in which case I had to cancel now because God forbid I miss more pay.
Phooey.
So my conclussion: I will still move forward, hating men, but try not to think about it and eat my carbs because if I deny myself I will only want them more and then my ass won't even fit into the one pair of jeans that still make me feel slightly desirable... on a good night... when I skip dinner... and am not on the rag.
AMEN! HALLELUJAH!... HOLY SHIT......
:) Smile. God loves you, T.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Time to throw out the Bitter and just be Better
Since I have become a bitter, self-proclaimed independent snob I have found that ditching dating has actually made my life worse. Yeah, I know, I can't believe it myself. Not only was my life more entertaining while just meeting people, but I actually had stories to tell and cool things to do with someone, whether they were boyfriend material or otherwise.
I had decided to put dating on hold for some time now, but every once in a great while someone sometimes snuck in to steal me away for an evening, but with the bitterness gently placed into my purse before walking out the door, I found that I could not enjoy the overflowing wine and great dinner or winning game of miniature golf for the life of me. I was a downright be-yotch. Not who I am... at least not all the time.
So I have had to re-evaluate my life. Due to certain events I have found that I have some major things to work on. I am probably the only person I know that can so easily push people ... a LOT of people... out of my life in one city without so much as a single move to a new location. This cannot be right. Sometimes I think my independence is a blessing, but I think it more often just gets the best of me and the next thing I know my cat, Oscar, and I are having the most meaningful conversation I have had in a month.
So, with the help of my therapist 't', I am going to revamp this pathetic life of mine and finally make a true blue effort to be the girl that I know I am. Smart, beautiful (or something along those lines), funny and a damn good find for a man who is actually WORTH IT. Will it be hard? Hell yeah. It will be like me trying to give up my candy addiction (it lasted two days). So I have my strategic planning in place on how to do this. We don't need to go into those exact details, but what they do entail is getting my healthy eating back in order, getting a routine back down, no longer bitching and moaning about stupid crap (okay... I am allowing myself some bitching and down time because 't' says it is still good for me), and more importantly... I am going to start dating again.
I am scared to death as much as I am happy to make this decision. Except this time I am going to try very very hard to swallow the pain and hurt of my past and see every man for the individual that he is. I am going to accept him for who he IS and not who I think he is or what he could be like and most importantly, I am going to be honest with myself. No more settling or kissing their ass because I am scared of them leaving me. This time it is about me. This time it is about finding someone who will fit into MY life and add to MY life while I get to also add to theirs in a positive, non-controlling, non-judgemental, non-stubborn, non-paranoid, non-mistrusting way.
Yeah. It's going to be hard.
I will still be me (opinions and all) and I will still have my really bad days because that is just who I am, but letting the dickheads of my past ruin my future only makes me the Biggest Loser and not in the cool 'hey! I lost weight and now freaking rock' kind of way.
After my divorce, as hard as it was, I liked the girl I was. The strong one doing what she thought best at the time. Confident that there was something more suitable for her. Time to get back to that. So lucky for all of you... I think the dating story sagas are about to continue!
Wish me luck and be my support because God knows I am going to need it!!!
I had decided to put dating on hold for some time now, but every once in a great while someone sometimes snuck in to steal me away for an evening, but with the bitterness gently placed into my purse before walking out the door, I found that I could not enjoy the overflowing wine and great dinner or winning game of miniature golf for the life of me. I was a downright be-yotch. Not who I am... at least not all the time.
So I have had to re-evaluate my life. Due to certain events I have found that I have some major things to work on. I am probably the only person I know that can so easily push people ... a LOT of people... out of my life in one city without so much as a single move to a new location. This cannot be right. Sometimes I think my independence is a blessing, but I think it more often just gets the best of me and the next thing I know my cat, Oscar, and I are having the most meaningful conversation I have had in a month.
So, with the help of my therapist 't', I am going to revamp this pathetic life of mine and finally make a true blue effort to be the girl that I know I am. Smart, beautiful (or something along those lines), funny and a damn good find for a man who is actually WORTH IT. Will it be hard? Hell yeah. It will be like me trying to give up my candy addiction (it lasted two days). So I have my strategic planning in place on how to do this. We don't need to go into those exact details, but what they do entail is getting my healthy eating back in order, getting a routine back down, no longer bitching and moaning about stupid crap (okay... I am allowing myself some bitching and down time because 't' says it is still good for me), and more importantly... I am going to start dating again.
I am scared to death as much as I am happy to make this decision. Except this time I am going to try very very hard to swallow the pain and hurt of my past and see every man for the individual that he is. I am going to accept him for who he IS and not who I think he is or what he could be like and most importantly, I am going to be honest with myself. No more settling or kissing their ass because I am scared of them leaving me. This time it is about me. This time it is about finding someone who will fit into MY life and add to MY life while I get to also add to theirs in a positive, non-controlling, non-judgemental, non-stubborn, non-paranoid, non-mistrusting way.
Yeah. It's going to be hard.
I will still be me (opinions and all) and I will still have my really bad days because that is just who I am, but letting the dickheads of my past ruin my future only makes me the Biggest Loser and not in the cool 'hey! I lost weight and now freaking rock' kind of way.
After my divorce, as hard as it was, I liked the girl I was. The strong one doing what she thought best at the time. Confident that there was something more suitable for her. Time to get back to that. So lucky for all of you... I think the dating story sagas are about to continue!
Wish me luck and be my support because God knows I am going to need it!!!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
FML
Just recently I saw my therapist (yes, I have a therapist) and we had discussed the need for me to be in 'closer' contact with her, but without the cost of more medical bills (we had just discussed the whopper $4500 bill I had just received in the mail). So she came up with this idea of e-mailing in between sessions every other week. Great idea!
So today I remembered something we had discussed in regards to Family Medical Leave so I sent her an e-mail about this with the topic in the subject line as: FML.
Now until she responded back (and did not mention my FML topic in the subject line mind you) did I notice the subject being "FML". Bahahaha... turns out it has gotten that bad that I now inadvertantly make sure people know I currently am dissastified with me life ;)
I thought it was cute. I can imagine her first reaction "Uh oh... this is NOT going to be a good e-mail..."
Luckily she took it in stride and continues to cheer me on to a happier mental state where "FML" won't consciously or unconciously sneak its way into the subject line of my life.
So today I remembered something we had discussed in regards to Family Medical Leave so I sent her an e-mail about this with the topic in the subject line as: FML.
Now until she responded back (and did not mention my FML topic in the subject line mind you) did I notice the subject being "FML". Bahahaha... turns out it has gotten that bad that I now inadvertantly make sure people know I currently am dissastified with me life ;)
I thought it was cute. I can imagine her first reaction "Uh oh... this is NOT going to be a good e-mail..."
Luckily she took it in stride and continues to cheer me on to a happier mental state where "FML" won't consciously or unconciously sneak its way into the subject line of my life.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Just for Fun
- When was the last time you tried something new? Last night, I wore a low cut top with spaghetti straps without a cardigan
- Who do you sometimes compare yourself to? Everyone, especially skinny girls
- What’s the most sensible thing you’ve ever heard someone say? What's meant to be will be. Que sera, sera
- What gets you excited about life? Travel (big scale), Alcohol (small scale)
- What life lesson did you learn the hard way? If you just aren't that into the person in all areas important to you, don't waste your time and/or marry them
- What do you wish you spent more time doing five years ago? Meeting people
- Do you ask enough questions or do you settle for what you know? Oh, definitely questions
- Who do you love and what are you doing about it? Someone special; nothing, you can't make someone love you back
- What’s a belief that you hold with which many people disagree? I will never have children
- What can you do today that you were not capable of a year ago? Join Crew
- Do you think crying is a sign of weakness or strength? Weakness
- What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Nothing. I do what I want regardless of whether I will be judged or not (trust me... I tried very hard to thinking of something!)
- Do you celebrate the things you do have? No
- What is the difference between living and existing? Living means you want to be alive; existing means you wish you were dead
- If not now, then when? Someday
- Have you done anything lately worth remembering? Went to New York
- What does your joy look like today? My couch
- Is it possible to lie without saying a word? Yes
- If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow this person to be your friend? 2 minutes
- Which activities make you lose track of time? Reading, bedroom forays
- If you had to teach something, what would you teach? Swimming lessons
- What would you regret not fully doing, being or having in your life? Not having a child
- Are you holding onto something that you need to let go of? Absolutely
- When you are 80-years-old, what will matter to you the most? Whether or not I lived a life I am proud of
- When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards and just do what you know is right? Right Now
- How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? 1
- Would you break the law to save a loved one? Possibly
- What makes you smile? A good romantic comedy
- When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? Lately, yes
- If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would your message be? I am not crazy, I am strong-willed and straight-forward
- If the average human lifespan was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? I would forget the idea of ever owning my own place, getting married or having children and just travel and live on limited means
- What do we all have in common besides our genes that makes us human? The ability to read
- If you could choose one book as a mandatory read for all high school students, which book would you choose? It's called a break-up because it's broken
- Would you rather have less work or more work you actually enjoy doing? Less work (more free time to do the things I enjoy doing)
- What is important enough to go to war over? Freedom
- Which is worse, failing or never trying? Never trying
- When was the last time you listened to the sound of your own breathing? A month and a half ago
- What’s something you know you do differently than most people? Demand respect even if I end up looking 'crazy'
- What does ‘The American Dream’ mean to you? Having money; lots of money
- Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? No contest! Joyful simpleton
- If you could instill one piece of advice in a newborn baby’s mind, what advice would you give? Life is what you make it; so make it good
- What is the most desirable trait another person can possess? Humor
- What are you most grateful for? My family
- Is stealing to feed a starving child wrong? No
- What do you want most? Acceptance (in so many ways)
- Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Doing the right things
- What has life taught you recently? Things never get better so suck it up and fuc*ing smile
- What is the one thing you would most like to change about the world? Arrogance
- Where do you find inspiration? Everywhere I can
- Can you describe your life in a six word sentence? One big unpredicatable and frustrating mess
Thursday, July 7, 2011
"I thought of you after reading this. LOL"
So not all too long ago I went on a date with someone I met online (a date which I wasn't really into going on, but you all know me...) I figured 'what the hell is there to lose', but then I realized after he sent me this e-mail today (even though we haven't talked in quite some time) that what I had to lose was my precious time and effort. He recommended that I post this on my blog. So... I am going to do so! (and then, of course, I will come back with my rebuttal tee hee!)
A Love Story:
Once upon a time, an Army Aviator named Ron asked a beautiful Princess "Will
you marry me?
The Princess said NO!
...and the Aviator lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles, did a lot
of flying, got good promotions and duty stations and screwed skinny
big-titted broads and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to titty
bars and dated women half his age and drank Whiskey, Beer, Tequila, Rum ,
did shooters and Flaming Hookers and never got bitched at, and never paid
child support or alimony, never changed a diaper in his life and chased
cheerleaders, movie stars, barmaids and kept his house and guns and never
got cheated on while he was at work or on deployment and all his friends and
family thought he was friggin' cool as hell and he had tons of money in the
bank
...and he left the toilet seat up.
The end
So, apparently, this guy thought I was a princess. How sweet! But I am sorry to hear that he felt a princess would make time to meet him out at 9:30pm at night in her work clothes because she hasn't even had a chance to go home yet, but thought it would be polite to stay awake a little longer that night to hear him out and meet him. I am also sad to hear that instead of preferring a beautiful woman who is educated and takes care of herself while being extremely loyal and attentive (because she is a "princess") he would rather have numerous skanks of all walks in life (cheerleaders and movie stars were his choice he stated). It's sad that whiskey is the source he would rather go to at night to mend his sorrows from a bad day instead of the warm arms of a caring woman who made him dinner and brought him a cold beer to cheer him up.
And all so he could leave the toilet seat up.
You are right, I am a princess because I know what I want and it is not you! You are no prince, you could never match up to this.
So...
Dear Princess Hater,
Sorry I did not want to date you. Move on and do not send me bullshit e-mails because all you did was make yourself look like a lonely, drunken, disease-ridden pedophile.
Sincerely,
Princess T <3
A Love Story:
Once upon a time, an Army Aviator named Ron asked a beautiful Princess "Will
you marry me?
The Princess said NO!
...and the Aviator lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles, did a lot
of flying, got good promotions and duty stations and screwed skinny
big-titted broads and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to titty
bars and dated women half his age and drank Whiskey, Beer, Tequila, Rum ,
did shooters and Flaming Hookers and never got bitched at, and never paid
child support or alimony, never changed a diaper in his life and chased
cheerleaders, movie stars, barmaids and kept his house and guns and never
got cheated on while he was at work or on deployment and all his friends and
family thought he was friggin' cool as hell and he had tons of money in the
bank
...and he left the toilet seat up.
The end
So, apparently, this guy thought I was a princess. How sweet! But I am sorry to hear that he felt a princess would make time to meet him out at 9:30pm at night in her work clothes because she hasn't even had a chance to go home yet, but thought it would be polite to stay awake a little longer that night to hear him out and meet him. I am also sad to hear that instead of preferring a beautiful woman who is educated and takes care of herself while being extremely loyal and attentive (because she is a "princess") he would rather have numerous skanks of all walks in life (cheerleaders and movie stars were his choice he stated). It's sad that whiskey is the source he would rather go to at night to mend his sorrows from a bad day instead of the warm arms of a caring woman who made him dinner and brought him a cold beer to cheer him up.
And all so he could leave the toilet seat up.
You are right, I am a princess because I know what I want and it is not you! You are no prince, you could never match up to this.
So...
Dear Princess Hater,
Sorry I did not want to date you. Move on and do not send me bullshit e-mails because all you did was make yourself look like a lonely, drunken, disease-ridden pedophile.
Sincerely,
Princess T <3
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Easiest way to end a grievance (and REALLY piss the other person off): Hang up the Phone
Hello Fellow Followers;
I would like to ask that those following please publicly show yourselves. I am curious as to who you all are :P
Nothing too exciting to report lately, just some more random craziness, as is the life of T.
Here's something:
Now, granted, this was not intentional. One, I had not planned on going on a date (or two or three), but I got talked into it. Two, I had no idea these two men.... (ahem) children... knew each other until one dropped the bomb.
So where did I meet these two lovely pieces of work? A dating site that I have actually cancelled, but was still receiving messages on (no longer... I made sure that sh*t is closed down!). But anyways, as luck would have it, I started getting messages from these two possible prospects awhile back. Now considering I am just trying to put a halt on dating because I am tired and exhausted, I still couldn't help but find these two men still somewhat interesting and mildly attractive. Well, being bored and all I decided to go ahead and continue chatting. We talked off and on for awhile with it being nothing too serious. Eventually, one talked me into a date. We went out, had a very nice time (at this point I was told the connection between these two guys I had been simultaneously talking to... AWK-WARD), but whatever, I agreed to a second date. After the second date Jackass #1 forgot to take his chill pill and let his absolute true colors shine. Those true colors? Downright verbal abuse and some major anger issues. Yup, time to walk away from that one. Remember the guy that was in the same platoon as U.S. Mmmarine? Yeah, this was him. Yes, the one that called me a cunt. But come on, I chalked it up to him just still being really sensitive to that whole situation and he had been nice and sweet after that. He EVEN apologized (so rare for a man... especially one I just met!) Ok, fine, I am a sucker for second chances too. Well, turns out this guy was just an ass in general. Now I know.
So, after some more chatting and discussion, Decent-guy-soon-to-be-Jackass #2 takes me on a date. Great time. I got to meet the family and all (it was his bro's b-day party at a bar... he had to make an appearance.. yada yada yada). His brother and sis-in-law loved me. And I quote from his brother's mouth to me, "I know this may be a little overwhelming, but we already consider you part of the family" and his mom, oh yeah-I had her good, as I recalled being told by DGSTBJ#2 she told him the next day "I don't care what you have to do, but don't let this one go". Yup, awesome. Well anyways, I have this thing. It seems that I date in levels. Level One is Two Weeks. If a guy can make it two weeks with me, it's amazing. I don't hide this fact either. I lay it out there. Maybe I am trying to scare them off? Maybe I am putting up the challenge? Maybe I just don't care enough to play games so I let them know my strategy. I don't know, but this is how I roll. So anyways, DGSTBJ#2 swore up and down that on day 14 I would owe him big because he made it that far. I will be honest, I really thought this guy had P-O-T-E-ntial. I kind of thought he was going to make it too! But as my luck would have it, Jackass #1 hadn't quite gotten over me or the fact that he made me choose between continuing to see him or giving it a go with his roommate. Well, obviously I told his rude ass to take a walk. Well only about... oh... maybe 7 days into knowing each other DGSTBJ#2 turned into Jackass #2. He wouldn't answer a call or a text and once he finally DID pick up the phone he yelled at me and hung up. Really? God. How OLD are you that you can't have a FULL conversation as an adult without hanging up the phone like a pre-pubescent 13 year old?! So I don't hear from Jackass #2 at all. No calls, no texts, no explanations. So finally I give in and ask what the hell the deal is?
His response "I caught you in some pretty big lies". Oh... did you now? Care to share? Well, he does and not by phone mind you. Instead we have to send FACEBOOK messages like a bunch of little high schoolers who can't deal with shit face to face nor will he pick up his freaking phone! So APPARENTLY, Jackass #1 decided to make up some lies and tell Jackass #2 that I got a little frisky after our first and second dates. Puh-lease. He WISHES I had touched him. Nope. Never happened, but do you think Jackass #2 could accuse me to my face or at LEAST by phone? Nope. Coward. I don't know what kind of boys the military is claiming are 'Marines', but these two need to have their asses shipped out again so they can come back with their balls reattached.
Needless to say, both have been pinned up on my 'Sorry, I Don't Date Dickheads' list.
Lesson learned. Dating site=Bar in another form.
Nah, nah, nah, nah life goooooes on.
I would like to ask that those following please publicly show yourselves. I am curious as to who you all are :P
Nothing too exciting to report lately, just some more random craziness, as is the life of T.
Here's something:
Now, granted, this was not intentional. One, I had not planned on going on a date (or two or three), but I got talked into it. Two, I had no idea these two men.... (ahem) children... knew each other until one dropped the bomb.
So where did I meet these two lovely pieces of work? A dating site that I have actually cancelled, but was still receiving messages on (no longer... I made sure that sh*t is closed down!). But anyways, as luck would have it, I started getting messages from these two possible prospects awhile back. Now considering I am just trying to put a halt on dating because I am tired and exhausted, I still couldn't help but find these two men still somewhat interesting and mildly attractive. Well, being bored and all I decided to go ahead and continue chatting. We talked off and on for awhile with it being nothing too serious. Eventually, one talked me into a date. We went out, had a very nice time (at this point I was told the connection between these two guys I had been simultaneously talking to... AWK-WARD), but whatever, I agreed to a second date. After the second date Jackass #1 forgot to take his chill pill and let his absolute true colors shine. Those true colors? Downright verbal abuse and some major anger issues. Yup, time to walk away from that one. Remember the guy that was in the same platoon as U.S. Mmmarine? Yeah, this was him. Yes, the one that called me a cunt. But come on, I chalked it up to him just still being really sensitive to that whole situation and he had been nice and sweet after that. He EVEN apologized (so rare for a man... especially one I just met!) Ok, fine, I am a sucker for second chances too. Well, turns out this guy was just an ass in general. Now I know.
So, after some more chatting and discussion, Decent-guy-soon-to-be-Jackass #2 takes me on a date. Great time. I got to meet the family and all (it was his bro's b-day party at a bar... he had to make an appearance.. yada yada yada). His brother and sis-in-law loved me. And I quote from his brother's mouth to me, "I know this may be a little overwhelming, but we already consider you part of the family" and his mom, oh yeah-I had her good, as I recalled being told by DGSTBJ#2 she told him the next day "I don't care what you have to do, but don't let this one go". Yup, awesome. Well anyways, I have this thing. It seems that I date in levels. Level One is Two Weeks. If a guy can make it two weeks with me, it's amazing. I don't hide this fact either. I lay it out there. Maybe I am trying to scare them off? Maybe I am putting up the challenge? Maybe I just don't care enough to play games so I let them know my strategy. I don't know, but this is how I roll. So anyways, DGSTBJ#2 swore up and down that on day 14 I would owe him big because he made it that far. I will be honest, I really thought this guy had P-O-T-E-ntial. I kind of thought he was going to make it too! But as my luck would have it, Jackass #1 hadn't quite gotten over me or the fact that he made me choose between continuing to see him or giving it a go with his roommate. Well, obviously I told his rude ass to take a walk. Well only about... oh... maybe 7 days into knowing each other DGSTBJ#2 turned into Jackass #2. He wouldn't answer a call or a text and once he finally DID pick up the phone he yelled at me and hung up. Really? God. How OLD are you that you can't have a FULL conversation as an adult without hanging up the phone like a pre-pubescent 13 year old?! So I don't hear from Jackass #2 at all. No calls, no texts, no explanations. So finally I give in and ask what the hell the deal is?
His response "I caught you in some pretty big lies". Oh... did you now? Care to share? Well, he does and not by phone mind you. Instead we have to send FACEBOOK messages like a bunch of little high schoolers who can't deal with shit face to face nor will he pick up his freaking phone! So APPARENTLY, Jackass #1 decided to make up some lies and tell Jackass #2 that I got a little frisky after our first and second dates. Puh-lease. He WISHES I had touched him. Nope. Never happened, but do you think Jackass #2 could accuse me to my face or at LEAST by phone? Nope. Coward. I don't know what kind of boys the military is claiming are 'Marines', but these two need to have their asses shipped out again so they can come back with their balls reattached.
Needless to say, both have been pinned up on my 'Sorry, I Don't Date Dickheads' list.
Lesson learned. Dating site=Bar in another form.
Nah, nah, nah, nah life goooooes on.
Monday, June 20, 2011
My Perfect Man
This is a question I get all too often. Whether it be my mother asking me what I am looking for or my sister to see if I am being quick in choosing; whether it be my friends who are concerned that I am being too picky; or whether it be a man himself wondering why it is not him...
Do you really want to know? All right I will give this a shot:
Tumultuous T's Perfect Man:
There are NINE things that TTPM must have: No ifs, ands or buts about it.
1. A sense of humor. Not sarcastic and dry, but upbeat and witty
2. A want for a family. Loves his current family and wants to start one of his own
3. Faith. In GOD-not just 'spiritual'
4. A job. A good job, which means he makes a well enough income to support himself at least
5. A well proportioned face. Let's be honest here shall we? If I am going to look at this face, at this body, at this whole package of a man for the next umpteen years-I better like what I am seeing because if I don't want to touch... then I certainly don't want to buy
6. Balls-literally and figuratively. Transvestites need not apply. And if he doesn't have the balls to hash things out with others, ESPECIALLY me, then he needs to keep walking because if I meet another man that childishly hangs up the phone on me... I swear when I see him next his balls will be MINE
7. Honesty. No one likes a liar. If he lies... I WILL catch catch him and there WILL BE major hell to pay. So he be honest and upfront with me so we can work through it ASAP!
8. LOYALTY. If he wants to cheat, if he thinks about wanting to cheat, if settling down is not his 'thing', if he loves women and just doesn't feel the need to be with just ONE then he needs to do me a favor: lose my number
9. Can satisfy me in the bedroom. Now obviously I won't know this one right away, but once we get to that point in our relationship, because he had everything else to get him this far, if he can't do this then we will be over. Fast
Now, other things TTPM would preferably have:
1. Tall; as in 6 foot or above is ideal, but 5'10-5'11 is a possible. Any smaller and I often feel I wouldn't be able to wear my heels. And we all know-T loooooves her heels
2. College education. Hey, I worked damn hard for mine and I made it through so I would like to see someone who has made that same type of COMMITMENT
3. No kids. Now, we all know TWPITW had children and that was very acceptable to me. But on a whole, I prefer no kids and no exes that will forever be around due to said kids
4. In shape. Now this can go a lot of ways. Six packs are not needed nor are flat bellies even (because man would *I* be a hypocrite!). As long as the weight is proportioned well on the body and the weight is fairly steady then we are good to go. He has to be able to keep up with me on most activities because I am an active girl
5. Clean. Both personal hygiene and personal space. Doesn't need to shave every day, but must be well groomed and ALWAYS smelling good. Now while cutting the lawn or working out... that is something else, but in general... clean teeth and body are a must. As for personal space, I don't like clutter and to have crap all over the place (to me) means he can't organize his room, let alone his life. So let's try and keep the amount of dirty socks on the floor and dirty dishes on the counter to a minimum, shall we?
6. Loves affection. Doesn't mind PDA. Wants to kiss me in the morning and again when he comes home because he hasn't seen me all day. But won't get all bent out of shape because someone may have seen me pinch his butt while waiting in line at the Ferris wheel during State Fair
And Bonus Points goes to the man that can:
1. Cook. A man that can bake chicken or grill a steak is great, but if you can also steam veggies and make homemade potatoes, you are in major business
2. Can work on my car and fix the leaky sink faucet. I grew up with handy men and would like one to call my own
3. Has a large pallette for food and drink. I hate sensoring what I cook. So if he eats sushi, likes spinach, is open to trying new, weird recipes and will enjoy a beer or, especially, a glass of wine. He just found the yellow brick road to my heart
So there you have it.
And on that note: I have not found this man yet (obviously) and maybe I never will. I have dated many that have come close and many that have not. In all my dating I have decided that if the man does not fit ALL my must have criteria, then I am no longer wasting my time (or his) and 'sampling' in hopes that it will change.
And to those hooking me up and saying you found the right guy for me: let's see pictures and get all the info AHEAD of time, ok? It is doing NO ONE any good otherwise.
Dating will be put on hold until this man has been found. Until then, I am exhausted from trying to mold and shape what I want to fit the men that come so close because in then end... one or both are left disappointed and unhappy.
Call me a bitch. Everyone else does. However, I prefer "an educated woman who knows what she wants".
Thank you.
Do you really want to know? All right I will give this a shot:
Tumultuous T's Perfect Man:
There are NINE things that TTPM must have: No ifs, ands or buts about it.
1. A sense of humor. Not sarcastic and dry, but upbeat and witty
2. A want for a family. Loves his current family and wants to start one of his own
3. Faith. In GOD-not just 'spiritual'
4. A job. A good job, which means he makes a well enough income to support himself at least
5. A well proportioned face. Let's be honest here shall we? If I am going to look at this face, at this body, at this whole package of a man for the next umpteen years-I better like what I am seeing because if I don't want to touch... then I certainly don't want to buy
6. Balls-literally and figuratively. Transvestites need not apply. And if he doesn't have the balls to hash things out with others, ESPECIALLY me, then he needs to keep walking because if I meet another man that childishly hangs up the phone on me... I swear when I see him next his balls will be MINE
7. Honesty. No one likes a liar. If he lies... I WILL catch catch him and there WILL BE major hell to pay. So he be honest and upfront with me so we can work through it ASAP!
8. LOYALTY. If he wants to cheat, if he thinks about wanting to cheat, if settling down is not his 'thing', if he loves women and just doesn't feel the need to be with just ONE then he needs to do me a favor: lose my number
9. Can satisfy me in the bedroom. Now obviously I won't know this one right away, but once we get to that point in our relationship, because he had everything else to get him this far, if he can't do this then we will be over. Fast
Now, other things TTPM would preferably have:
1. Tall; as in 6 foot or above is ideal, but 5'10-5'11 is a possible. Any smaller and I often feel I wouldn't be able to wear my heels. And we all know-T loooooves her heels
2. College education. Hey, I worked damn hard for mine and I made it through so I would like to see someone who has made that same type of COMMITMENT
3. No kids. Now, we all know TWPITW had children and that was very acceptable to me. But on a whole, I prefer no kids and no exes that will forever be around due to said kids
4. In shape. Now this can go a lot of ways. Six packs are not needed nor are flat bellies even (because man would *I* be a hypocrite!). As long as the weight is proportioned well on the body and the weight is fairly steady then we are good to go. He has to be able to keep up with me on most activities because I am an active girl
5. Clean. Both personal hygiene and personal space. Doesn't need to shave every day, but must be well groomed and ALWAYS smelling good. Now while cutting the lawn or working out... that is something else, but in general... clean teeth and body are a must. As for personal space, I don't like clutter and to have crap all over the place (to me) means he can't organize his room, let alone his life. So let's try and keep the amount of dirty socks on the floor and dirty dishes on the counter to a minimum, shall we?
6. Loves affection. Doesn't mind PDA. Wants to kiss me in the morning and again when he comes home because he hasn't seen me all day. But won't get all bent out of shape because someone may have seen me pinch his butt while waiting in line at the Ferris wheel during State Fair
And Bonus Points goes to the man that can:
1. Cook. A man that can bake chicken or grill a steak is great, but if you can also steam veggies and make homemade potatoes, you are in major business
2. Can work on my car and fix the leaky sink faucet. I grew up with handy men and would like one to call my own
3. Has a large pallette for food and drink. I hate sensoring what I cook. So if he eats sushi, likes spinach, is open to trying new, weird recipes and will enjoy a beer or, especially, a glass of wine. He just found the yellow brick road to my heart
So there you have it.
And on that note: I have not found this man yet (obviously) and maybe I never will. I have dated many that have come close and many that have not. In all my dating I have decided that if the man does not fit ALL my must have criteria, then I am no longer wasting my time (or his) and 'sampling' in hopes that it will change.
And to those hooking me up and saying you found the right guy for me: let's see pictures and get all the info AHEAD of time, ok? It is doing NO ONE any good otherwise.
Dating will be put on hold until this man has been found. Until then, I am exhausted from trying to mold and shape what I want to fit the men that come so close because in then end... one or both are left disappointed and unhappy.
Call me a bitch. Everyone else does. However, I prefer "an educated woman who knows what she wants".
Thank you.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
One Year Down
So today marks my 1 year anniversary at the medical clinic downtown. It has been a trip. I am constantly thankful for this job because it has been what I have needed it to be throughout my last year of craziness. Will I be here another year? Well, one never really knows now do they?
When I think back on the year since I quit my job of 9 years to come here, I simply cannot believe all that has taken place!
Let's recap shall we? You may find some shockers.
In one year's time I have:
So that's the biggest stuff that I can randomly think of off the top of my head. You can just imagine what all the little stuff adds up to! I truly am an open book. Everyone has shit in their lives. I am no different... just willing to air mine out because what have I got to lose besides people really knowing who I am, what I have been through, what I have 'accomplished', and just how far I have come.
What has YOUR last year been like? Amazing. Isn't it?
When I think back on the year since I quit my job of 9 years to come here, I simply cannot believe all that has taken place!
Let's recap shall we? You may find some shockers.
In one year's time I have:
- Quit my management job that I had held for the past nine years to pursue a new career
- Started 2 new jobs (of which I am currently still working for)
- Moved 3 times
- Started school
- Quit school
- Broken up with the love of my life and moved out (after 3 months of living together)
- Lived with a roommate for the first time in my life (my friend/coworker of 10 years)
- Hit my big 3-0
- Gone on more dates than I really care to count
- Been cheated on once
- Been hand-cuffed and put into a squad car
- Had someone I knew and really cared for commit suicide
- Drained my hard-earned savings account
- Been held against my will at a mental facility
- Taken a decrease in pay
- Been to the ER... 3 times
- Had my third ear surgery
- Met some new great friends
- Lost some old great friends
- Gotten my nose pierced
- Removed nose piercing after contracting severe cold one month later
- Been put on two new medications
- One month later contracted a severe cold and had to remove new nose piercing
- Been taken off one medication
- Gained weight
- Lost weight (but not enough to outweigh the gain)
- Gone to Florida
- Gone to Boston
- Gone to New York
- Committed to seeing a therapist regularly
- Joined a rowing club
- Given up my 3.5 year gym membership that has gotten me through SO MUCH because of my lack of finances
- Cried every night for 1.75 months straight
- Been called names I have never been called in my life, such as "thick", "cunt", "flabby", and "redneck"
- Come to the very hard realization that there is no such thing as a marriage ending well
- Joined a dating website
- Cancelled (immediately) a dating website
- Joined a different dating website
- Cancelled one month later after joining dating website
- Read a lot of books
- Been so drunk that I puked for 2 days straight and seriously thought I was going to die if I didn't go to the hospital to have my stomach pumped and some liquid replenishment
- Gotten into a lot of verbal fights
- Gotten a tattoo
- Chipped a tooth for the first time ever
- Told two people I hated them... and meant it
- Found out I am going to be an aunt again (after the assumption that all siblings were done having children)
- Been sent to collections for the first time ever
- Had laser treatment for hair removal
- Been called "amazing", "beautiful", "smart", and "caring"... and in the same breath told "just not good enough"
- Had the return of old physical illnesses come back
- Found that I have some major trust issues that appear to be permanent
- Come to the realization that while I may never fall in love with another man (nor find a man who will love me back) or get married again... I have some amazing friends and family who DO love me for who I am and what I have been through and continue to support me regardless of my misgivings and challenges and downright bitter-ass attitude
So that's the biggest stuff that I can randomly think of off the top of my head. You can just imagine what all the little stuff adds up to! I truly am an open book. Everyone has shit in their lives. I am no different... just willing to air mine out because what have I got to lose besides people really knowing who I am, what I have been through, what I have 'accomplished', and just how far I have come.
What has YOUR last year been like? Amazing. Isn't it?
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