It never fails.

Well, I gave the whole 'let's get T back into the dating world thing' a shot and my first date... Epic Fail.


Thank you 'Young and Restless' (as he shall now be named) for taking me ou... wait.  I did not even get that.  I got what I thought was a sweet evening in with wine (which turned out to be boxed wine mind you, but he is young and has yet to learn so I gave him a bit of a learning curve to go off of) and some blase (read blah-zay because apparently blogspot cannot edit for french terms) discussion.  Whatever "he is cute and shy!" I say.  Ha.  Hahahaha.  Dumbass. Yes, Yes I know.  In 2011, this old girl has learned that 'shy and cute = player'.  But I did not learn that until later.


So I invite him to come with me (for the first time ever for me!) as my date to the Fun on the Fox annual boat party.  {Insert gasp here}.  I know right.  I think Y&R is thee... second guy I have introduced my family to since First Love. But my family had already met him once before (you know... friend of a friend kind of stuff) and they actually encouraged this encounte.  This is huge.  And total proof that I was setting aside all qualms about dating and expectations.  I had none when it came to Y&R.  OK... so maybe I had one and it followed along the lines of 'don't be an ass and just use me for a good time'.  So what did I get?  Oh, naturally ya'll, I got an ASS who wanted to USE ME for a GOOD TIME.  So we had what I thought was a pretty fun and relaxing time on Saturday and then come Saturday night... all bets were off.  He came in for the kill.  He got far, not going to lie.  I stated that I wasn't interested quite a few times (seriously... this was a situation I knew could not POSSIBLY end well), but players know how to play so ...he had been doing so well so far and what I had actually called a SWEETHEART so yeah, I gave in quite a bit.


Lo and behold the next day, I don't hear anything from him.  Ok.  No biggie.  He's busy, right...?  I always jump to conclusions, but not this time.  Oh no.  This time I am going to be a good girl and just wait for him to contact me because I am not crazy.  Well, crazy kicks in at about 2pm Monday when I finally send the text "So is that IT?!" to which I get ONE response back.... "I am not looking for anything serious, maybe we can hang out sometime next week".  Shot down like a damn rabied raccoon.


Mother-fucker.  Son of a bitch.  I KNEW it.  So, needless to say, T is back to going solo because men FUCKING suck.  I let my guard down.  I tried not to jump to conclusions.  I tried to just play, I tried not to judge the boxed wine.  And look what it got me... not a damn thing.  Not even dinner.  Boo.  Well, it was an experience that now has been added to my dating blog of woes and something I can learn from.


I learned: Don't date.  Nothing ever changes.  Walls up... walls down.  It is still the same bullshit attached to a different masquerade face mask.


Yes, I hear all you blog readers "But that was just one time...!  Try again, try again!  He is out there!!"  Oh... really????!  Is THAT why all my other friends are single six months or less and BAM! along comes the person they are going to marry??... or get pregnant with...?  Riiiiight. 


Oh... and don't worry... I wouldn't DARE forget "T... stop looking and then it will just HAPPEN".  Really?!  Huh.  Cause 1. I am pretty sure others seek AND find (even though they want to ACT like they weren't looking) and 2. It's not like I can just snap my little fingers and suddenly filter out my nights of lonely crying and dateless evenings and events.  Because if I could... I would fucking be single forever!  Live for myself!  Carpe Diem!! But you see... this girl may be independent, but she also wants to be loved.  A life alone, in MY eyes, is NOT a life worth living.  For some of you... dream come true.  Is that why you are in a relationship?!


It's like my diet.  I decided to go on an all protein diet for 4 days.  What we would call the 'Attack and drop 5 pounds and cravings phase".  I made it until dinner and then it was like... carb load central.  So now not only am I stuck with major gut pain for the evening, but also a lot of guilt.  Because as much as I want to lose weight so I can attract a man and not be 15 lbs over my 'healthy' weight... the more I try to lose it and not THINK about it... the more I think about it and want to go on a killing rampage of all skinny bitches whose thighs don't touch like mine once didn't. 


So go on... tell me AGAIN to 'not dwell on it'... and then run home to your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife and babie(s) and tell me how awesome it would be to be single.  Who will you sleep with then??  Hmmm... HMMMM???


The grass is always greener right?  Except one thing... I have been on the other side and I always knew that was the greener pasture.  I did not want this, but I didn't want a green pasture spoiled by weeds either. 


It's a bad night.  Remember: my therapist said that it is ok to have 'bad nights'. 


Too bad I am drain bed from lack of sleep and thought my appointment with her was today instead of tomorrow in which case I had to cancel now because God forbid I miss more pay.


Phooey.


So my conclussion:  I will still move forward, hating men, but try not to think about it and eat my carbs because if I deny myself I will only want them more and then my ass won't even fit into the one pair of jeans that still make me feel slightly desirable... on a good night... when I skip dinner... and am not on the rag.


AMEN!  HALLELUJAH!... HOLY SHIT......


:)  Smile.  God loves you, T.