My workouts have been getting better. And I can only hope to be like the svelte lady above, but now every time I am outside running and dying for breathe I can't help but keel over in laughter thinking of this image.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Oh but it's probably just so true!!
My workouts have been getting better. And I can only hope to be like the svelte lady above, but now every time I am outside running and dying for breathe I can't help but keel over in laughter thinking of this image.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
By Trial and Error
It is by Trial and Error we are said to succeed. I fully agree.
I have a lot of that. Error. Ok, yes, trial too. But it seems to be followed a lot by error. Or maybe I just think it is error because I see that other people think that it is error. I am beginning to think it is not so much error as it is experience. Perhaps... maybe... just maybe... what I want... is experience. Maybe I don't want what is written in the book of the "American Dream". Maybe I want what is written in the book of "Living Life to Its Fullest". And if you ask me (which you didn't), but getting married young and staying married for years and years and having children, living in 2-3 perfectly designed houses throughout your life while owning 4-5 Labrador retrievers and going to Grandma and Grandpa's every Christmas Day and taking yearly trips to Florida every Spring Break isn't exactly "Living Life to It's Fullest".
It only took me 3 years and 3 months to figure this out. But I finally did. How/when/why did I just figure this out? Well for one I am in the process of ending ANOTHER relationship with ANOTHER good guy. That's right. Seems I have commitment issues. Is it him? Is it me? Who knows. Who cares? The point is that I am not happy like I feel I should be and I can't make him happy (although he says he is) if I am not happy. And I am not the girl that wants to drag him through the dirt simply because there are days that I want a boyfriend. Of course the thought crosses my mind of whether or not I am making some huge mistake and leaving a good guy in the dust, but the only answer that I can get from the unknown future is: I will never know. I have done it before and it has been 'o.k.'. Sure, I have missed those guys and had my day dreams about the 'what if I would have stayed', but the reality is: I didn't and that's that.
Thoughts that cross my mind that help in my decision process on do I stay or do I go: 1. My sister is 42 and is having a baby. She is doing extremely well. The baby is perfectly healthy and is so stable that the necessary ultrasound that is required almost every month for an older pregnant woman has been deemed unnecessary for my sister (woohoo!). So now I am thinking... I have been given a gift. Yes, that's right... a GIFT not a CURSE of being single. My sister is healthy and happy and having a baby at 42. I am ONLY 31. Why am I rushing? Why am I so desperate to find someone and MAKE them fit into my mold that they just are NOT fitting into? I have standards. If they don't fit.... they don't fit. I still have time to hope there is someone out there that will. Which means time to enjoy my freedom!!
2. My GIFT of EXPERIENCE. I can do what I want. Talk with who I want. Flirt with I want. Answer to no one. Hog the bed. Come home to my beautifully, perfectly cleaned place just as I left it. Have my cats that no one can be "allergic" to. I love it. Why give this up. How many people get to enjoy this? How many rushed their lives and now wish they hadn't? Do I want to be one of them? No. I don't. Because deep down I knew it. I wanted that divorce 3.3 years ago for a reason. And I didn't know what it was. But now I do. Now I am ready to face the reality that I wanted to live a life that others wanted too, but did not have the guts to go out and get. How many people know what it is like to go to the movies alone? To eat at a restaurant alone? To go to the mall alone? Or sit at the coffee shop reading and drinking coffee alone? Or what about actually taking a vacation alone?! Sounds horrible? Maybe because you have never done it, but it is actually quite liberating and peaceful. No, all the time isn't ideal I admit, but do you know the self confidence it brings? The strength of knowing that you can truly do/handle anything alone? It's fabulous. Because then when someone comes into your life or someone offers you help it is... overwhelming. The appreciation you feel and the joy you get there are just no words for it really. It is astounding. Do I want this FOREVER? No I sure as heck don't. But a little more time could not hurt because I feel I still have things to work out. Things that I need to do.... alone. Almost as if I just haven't found the right person yet. Maybe that's all this is. Maybe I have found some great people that are helping me along my journey, but sadly... they are not the 'right one'... or at least... not yet.
3. Meet people. Do you know how many people I have had the chance to meet in 3 years time? Some amazing! And some bad, yes, but at the same time I never truly enjoyed the crazy stories I get to tell my children? grandchildren? or maybe just my nieces/nephews someday. Just listen to a woman here at work during lunch one day and her dating, younger life... it was great. It was hilarious! It wasn't too far from mine! And here she is years and years later. She is married, happy, but with this fun experience under her belth that she could laugh about and share with others. Priceless. Now I have that too. When you are in a relationship you give up your social life. Well, when you are in a healthy, stable one anyways for the most part. Of course there are exceptions we need not go into it, but for the most part it appears jealous and anger rule too many relationships and therefore, meeting new people on a one on one basis (especially if the opposite sex) is just not much of a possibility. But it can be so enthralling! And that is just some of the stuff. I could go on and on. I think many people will wonder why I am choosing to forgo another 'good' relationship. And the answer is: because I am not ready yet and because I don't want 'good'. I want AMAZING. And if I don't find it (which I believe I will) then God has a better plan for me. And thankfully I have a huge family otherwise ;)
When a friend who always wanted a large family only settles on ONE child because it turns out to be too much, or my sister whom thought she was done raising her children is blessed with one more 11 years after her last, or when another friend who thought her life would be spent as a working mother decides one random day that she wants to stay home with her children every day and the next week quits her job... well it just goes to show that no matter what you wanted or how you planned it, it does not matter because God has other ideas for you. So it is best to go with what makes you happy for today and wait and see what comes tomorrow. Yes... a lesson it took me a long... long long long time to learn. And one that I am guilty of forgetting from time to time.
Oh and by the way! I got a new job (can't remember if I officially mentioned that in the last blog because its been awhile.... shame shame I know!). I have been very busy. I am in a much more important position and working on a few different committees. Still in the medical field which I love. Other than that. Working hard, working out, was dating... that's a little rocky as you can see from above. Nothing major coming up except a wedding on New Year's Eve where I will see the old ball and chain ex husb and his family (of whom I have been seeing quite a bit and it has surprisingly been wonderful!). So you will get the 411 on that after it goes down.
Hope you are all well yourselves!
Happy Holidays everyone. I will be in touch ;)
I have a lot of that. Error. Ok, yes, trial too. But it seems to be followed a lot by error. Or maybe I just think it is error because I see that other people think that it is error. I am beginning to think it is not so much error as it is experience. Perhaps... maybe... just maybe... what I want... is experience. Maybe I don't want what is written in the book of the "American Dream". Maybe I want what is written in the book of "Living Life to Its Fullest". And if you ask me (which you didn't), but getting married young and staying married for years and years and having children, living in 2-3 perfectly designed houses throughout your life while owning 4-5 Labrador retrievers and going to Grandma and Grandpa's every Christmas Day and taking yearly trips to Florida every Spring Break isn't exactly "Living Life to It's Fullest".
It only took me 3 years and 3 months to figure this out. But I finally did. How/when/why did I just figure this out? Well for one I am in the process of ending ANOTHER relationship with ANOTHER good guy. That's right. Seems I have commitment issues. Is it him? Is it me? Who knows. Who cares? The point is that I am not happy like I feel I should be and I can't make him happy (although he says he is) if I am not happy. And I am not the girl that wants to drag him through the dirt simply because there are days that I want a boyfriend. Of course the thought crosses my mind of whether or not I am making some huge mistake and leaving a good guy in the dust, but the only answer that I can get from the unknown future is: I will never know. I have done it before and it has been 'o.k.'. Sure, I have missed those guys and had my day dreams about the 'what if I would have stayed', but the reality is: I didn't and that's that.
Thoughts that cross my mind that help in my decision process on do I stay or do I go: 1. My sister is 42 and is having a baby. She is doing extremely well. The baby is perfectly healthy and is so stable that the necessary ultrasound that is required almost every month for an older pregnant woman has been deemed unnecessary for my sister (woohoo!). So now I am thinking... I have been given a gift. Yes, that's right... a GIFT not a CURSE of being single. My sister is healthy and happy and having a baby at 42. I am ONLY 31. Why am I rushing? Why am I so desperate to find someone and MAKE them fit into my mold that they just are NOT fitting into? I have standards. If they don't fit.... they don't fit. I still have time to hope there is someone out there that will. Which means time to enjoy my freedom!!
2. My GIFT of EXPERIENCE. I can do what I want. Talk with who I want. Flirt with I want. Answer to no one. Hog the bed. Come home to my beautifully, perfectly cleaned place just as I left it. Have my cats that no one can be "allergic" to. I love it. Why give this up. How many people get to enjoy this? How many rushed their lives and now wish they hadn't? Do I want to be one of them? No. I don't. Because deep down I knew it. I wanted that divorce 3.3 years ago for a reason. And I didn't know what it was. But now I do. Now I am ready to face the reality that I wanted to live a life that others wanted too, but did not have the guts to go out and get. How many people know what it is like to go to the movies alone? To eat at a restaurant alone? To go to the mall alone? Or sit at the coffee shop reading and drinking coffee alone? Or what about actually taking a vacation alone?! Sounds horrible? Maybe because you have never done it, but it is actually quite liberating and peaceful. No, all the time isn't ideal I admit, but do you know the self confidence it brings? The strength of knowing that you can truly do/handle anything alone? It's fabulous. Because then when someone comes into your life or someone offers you help it is... overwhelming. The appreciation you feel and the joy you get there are just no words for it really. It is astounding. Do I want this FOREVER? No I sure as heck don't. But a little more time could not hurt because I feel I still have things to work out. Things that I need to do.... alone. Almost as if I just haven't found the right person yet. Maybe that's all this is. Maybe I have found some great people that are helping me along my journey, but sadly... they are not the 'right one'... or at least... not yet.
3. Meet people. Do you know how many people I have had the chance to meet in 3 years time? Some amazing! And some bad, yes, but at the same time I never truly enjoyed the crazy stories I get to tell my children? grandchildren? or maybe just my nieces/nephews someday. Just listen to a woman here at work during lunch one day and her dating, younger life... it was great. It was hilarious! It wasn't too far from mine! And here she is years and years later. She is married, happy, but with this fun experience under her belth that she could laugh about and share with others. Priceless. Now I have that too. When you are in a relationship you give up your social life. Well, when you are in a healthy, stable one anyways for the most part. Of course there are exceptions we need not go into it, but for the most part it appears jealous and anger rule too many relationships and therefore, meeting new people on a one on one basis (especially if the opposite sex) is just not much of a possibility. But it can be so enthralling! And that is just some of the stuff. I could go on and on. I think many people will wonder why I am choosing to forgo another 'good' relationship. And the answer is: because I am not ready yet and because I don't want 'good'. I want AMAZING. And if I don't find it (which I believe I will) then God has a better plan for me. And thankfully I have a huge family otherwise ;)
When a friend who always wanted a large family only settles on ONE child because it turns out to be too much, or my sister whom thought she was done raising her children is blessed with one more 11 years after her last, or when another friend who thought her life would be spent as a working mother decides one random day that she wants to stay home with her children every day and the next week quits her job... well it just goes to show that no matter what you wanted or how you planned it, it does not matter because God has other ideas for you. So it is best to go with what makes you happy for today and wait and see what comes tomorrow. Yes... a lesson it took me a long... long long long time to learn. And one that I am guilty of forgetting from time to time.
Oh and by the way! I got a new job (can't remember if I officially mentioned that in the last blog because its been awhile.... shame shame I know!). I have been very busy. I am in a much more important position and working on a few different committees. Still in the medical field which I love. Other than that. Working hard, working out, was dating... that's a little rocky as you can see from above. Nothing major coming up except a wedding on New Year's Eve where I will see the old ball and chain ex husb and his family (of whom I have been seeing quite a bit and it has surprisingly been wonderful!). So you will get the 411 on that after it goes down.
Hope you are all well yourselves!
Happy Holidays everyone. I will be in touch ;)
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