You are my friend, not because I chose to keep you, but because you chose to keep me

After reading over a blog during my lunch break this afternoon I just had to share these uplifting notes about people... about friendships... because they are just so true.  But before I get to them...

I ran into some old... dare I call them friends... acquaintances...? this weekend and it saddened me to hear how little they knew about me and an important part/situation in my life.  How judgements can be made.  Just how I had been viewed as a person, but at the same time I can not put any blame on anyone in particular because that is life is it not?  It was a choice I made, not solo, but something I was, none the less, a part of.  A choice that others can judge because they did not fully understand all that surrounded it. 

Unless we start handing out the book known as "Our Life and these are the Facts" to every person we meet, assumptions must be made and rumors and judgements will always be passed.  I will continue to always clear them up as best I can when I can, but it pains me because I hate the image set forth for me before I ever had a chance to really show people, whom I respect, the person that I really am and the trials that I have been through that have influenced the choices I have made.

But regardless... this blog I read today.  It was awesome.  And it brings me back to perspective and not to take things to heart so much because life is what it is.  And so people don't know my whole story.  So people don't always have the facts and have some misunderstandings, but yet, they still talk to me.  And they still laugh with me and appear to enjoy my company for the random times we rarely get to see each other now for whatever reason(s); and for that, I am grateful.

• There comes a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything, but it’s not giving up.  It’s realizing you don’t need certain people and things and the drama they bring
• If a person wants to be a part of your life they will make an obvious effort to do so.  Don’t bother reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay  (And I must say, to those that I saw this weekend-you never did give up on me.  In spite of everything, you stood your ground and you kept in touch and I really do appreciate that.  Same goes to my friends who have known me for so many years.  Through my ups and downs.  Through my dating, marriage and divorce.  You never let me slip away.  Thank you.  ALL OF YOU!)
• Making a thousand friends is not a miracle.  A miracle is making one friend who will stand by your side when thousands are against you

Courtesy of marcandangel.com

Oops. It's been awhile!

Sorry for the long wait!  I have been busy, busy, busy.


New place that is now all set to go!  Still loving it.  I now have my netflix for viewing, my Internet for surfing, my HD antenna for non-cable television watching and patio furniture for people spying ;)


My second job catering has really picked up.  Good for me and my bank account.  Bad for my social life.  I definitely feel like all I do is work.  I guess that's because... all I do is work.  I work 7 days a week.  And long hours.  I miss the days where I would work baby shifts for the catering company.  Little 4-8:30pm shifts.  I am now doing start to finish shifts.  Set-up and take down.  10 hours.  Ugh.  Next thing I know I will be loading and unloading the trucks too.  A full blown 14-15 hour day.  I hope it doesn't come to that.  As much as the money would be nice.  So is my sanity.  I literally can't keep my eyes open at my full-time job anymore sometimes I am so exhausted.  But I am enjoying MOST of the events I am doing.  My favorites being the fund raising events where there first place the guests head for is the bar.  By the time they sit down for dinner they are so drunk they don't know what the hell is going on.  It's great.  The weddings aren't too bad either.  That is ... after the sappy speeches and bouquet tossing and mushy crap that makes me want to vomit.  Let's get the heavy drinking started and the music blasting so I don't feel the vomit constantly rising up in the back of my throat thank-you-very-much.


I follow a blogger of my own.  She is fantastic.  She is hilarious.  She is a writer.  She is no one I know personally, but definitely an inspiration and the other day she had a 'bad day'.  And can I just say... how GOOD that made me feel?!  That this woman... who is freaking hilarious.  Who is witty and smart who doesn't have the perfect, sappy marriage, who has a crazy dark side to her, who swears and doesn't mind it, who has CATS (heaven forbid) and proudly and comically talks about them... actually has 'depressed' days and she BLOGS them?!  It made me feel human because hey... even the greatest, popular people out there have days where they make their titles read "Fuck".  I loved it.  Nice to know I am not the only one who feels the need to vent and swear and yell on her blog.  I guess what I am missing is that she eventually goes back and does an "Update" when she is feeling even slightly better to throw a more positive vibe on it afterwards.  So that is noted.  I will have to start doing that too.  Man, I want to meet this chickie.  She rocks.


I have been hanging out with a 'new' guy.  I say 'new' because he is actually someone I have known about for a few years and have had on my facebook for all this time.  I met him through First Love.  Yup, they were high school pals.  We have chatted here and there.  Made comments on each other posts, etc.  Well, about 4 months back now I would say he insisted we meet up.  I am single, he is single... what the heck right?  Well, I don't know.  Guess I just wasn't feeling it?  So after months of his persistence I finally gave in... only to cancel on the poor guy 4 times.  For good reasons!  I never did it to be rude! Honestly!  But then FINALLY we were able to have a very casual non-date date.  And it turned out to be... OK.  In fact, it was better than OK.  It was actually ... yes... it was FUN.


Sooooo.... what's the problem, right?  Where's the hold up?  Well, you know me.  Picky, picky, damaged, over-analyzer.  He isn't my normal type (cause that has worked out real well...), he hasn't finished school, he doesn't do this, doesn't have that... OK... so I am knit-picking every reason in the book.


So I saw my therapist.  And I said out loud.  "I am not going to knit-pick this cool, fun guy to death".  This time... THIS TIME... I am just going to enjoy today and not look any farther than that.  And THAT is EXACTLY what I have been doing.  And thus far, it has been fun.  Challenging not to analyze, but I have been having fun.  And it has been nice to have someone around again.  Someone to actually make consistent plans with.  It's so odd!!  He doesn't blow me off.  He doesn't constantly have 'dinner plans with his parents'... or 'morning golf with his "buddies"'  or 'guys only night' (EVERY WEEKEND) like all the other losers I have dated in the past.  He actually has TIME for me.  He actually... get this... he ACTUALLY cooks me dinner, helps with the dishes, has VACUUMED my apartment AND taken out my garbage!!!  Holy... cannoli.  But at the same time... he isn't ...how do I say it.  He isn't a wuss.  He has an opinion.  He doesn't/wouldn't let me walk all over him.  He does things he knows I need him to do because it's been a long day or I worked all weekend, but at the same time... if I get out of line he isn't going to let me use the excuse of "I'm tired" get used.  He's a man with his balls attached, but his heart still in place ;)  Definitely not the usual wouldn't we all agree?????


But yes.  The hesitancies are still there, but I just acknowledge them and then put them on my imaginary conveyor belt and watch them get carried away into 'not today' land.


And finally I would just like to take a moment to show my respects to my cat Jasper "Mimi" "Double-Stuffed" L-K who was euthanized on 9/19/11 due to an unknown illness that we could not cure him of.  I received him prior to my 18th birthday as a gift from my mom.  My ex-hubs and I had picked him out together (hence the hyphened last name).  He was born on 09/06/1998.  He was a chunky lovable black and white cat that I had to leave at home with my parents when my ex and I moved out into an apartment.  We were unable to take him with because he had grown attached to my parents cat, Calli, and we were unable to have him at our new place.  I told my ex about his passing via text... to which I got no response.  Sometimes... I wonder how I could have ever married such a heartless bastard... but then again... I remember all the times he didn't come out to celebrate my birthday with me and my friends.  So I guess I shouldn't be that surprised.  I love ya Jasper.  Due to my job and all the craziness and uncertainty going on I was not able to leave and be there for you and say good-bye one last time.  But I loved you and may your blessed little kitty soul rest in peace and chase all the mice your little heart desires.